


It's not only the fire you fight

by Feenaa



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Actor Louis, Cheating, Coma, Doctor Niall, Engagement, F/M, Firefighters, Hospitals, Hurt Harry Styles, Liam Payne & Louis Tomlinson Friendship, Liam is louis agent, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad Ending, Zayn Malik & Harry Styles Friendship, major death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-06-10 15:54:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 40,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15294927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feenaa/pseuds/Feenaa
Summary: Harry is a firefighter, Louis is am actor, they are engaged .Accidents, coma, emotional fights , separation . They will face a lot, they will try to survive , but the question will always be , can they survive?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again  
> Hope you are all okay , because get ready to this emotional rollercoaster, I am planning to make it as sad as I can ( because I am evil)
> 
> But I promise you will like it , I hope you will like it
> 
> English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes 
> 
> All the love

Harry was sitting alone in the changing room in the department, playing with his ring and watching his note that shows the beginning of some kind of ceremony, lots of actors and actress are walking on the red carpets, some one was doing an interview. Harry was watching very sad.

he just come from the last mission he had. The fire was very big but it ended good with no human loses, that was always a good news.

He just took his shower and just called Louis. Who told him he just finished his last interview and he was about to get inside the theatre for the ceremony to begin and he was about to turn his phone off.

Harry wished him all the luck he could and he told h he knew he would of course won the award , although it wasn’t the only time he was nominated but Harry knew he would win this time.

Louis was an actor, a good, handsome , attractive hard working actor. He met Harry when they were in high school and been together ever since. Although they had different paths, Louis loved acting and he had a dream that Harry helped to achieve it, on the contrary Harry didn’t like popularity and being famous, he was a Shaun and attentions always made him nervous. Harry was a Fire man, a brave, courage , bold fire man. Although it meant the same but Harry was the an for the job, he knew what he was doing and he loved what he was doing. Saving lives always came first to him. Always.

Like tonight, it was a special night for Louis, his fiance , but Harry couldn’t go with him, the ceremony was in USA, and Harry’s work was in UK. Harry couldn’t leave his job and join Louis, and Louis knew how Harry loved his work and how he became so nervous when it came to cameras and shows so he didn’t push him. And eventually Harry stayed and Louis went alone taking his sister with him.

Since Harry came from the last mission and he was attached to the note with clue, he was watching the ceremony live and he just saw Louis' interview , and he herd him telling the reporter that he wished his fiance was with him tonight, it caused an ache in Harry’s heart, and damn he looked marvellous in that black suit that Harry regretted leaving him by himself at his special night. Although he had Lottie with him Harry felt jealous from any other men who came closer to Louis for a hand shake or a photo or a small conversation.

Harry sighed in frustration while listening to the reporters talking over and over about the same things, how the ceremony was great, how the actress were beautifully dressed, what the movies and the TV shows that were nominated, 

“ is it started?” a voice came from the door.

Harry looked at his partner and also best friend Zayn“ it’s about to"

The man walked and sat beside Harry “ who is the host again"

 

Harry said not interested “ Seth Mayer”

Zayn nodded “ he is the one you like?”

Harry shook his head “ no.. it’s James Cordon.. I met Seth once two years ago when Louis was his guest in his show.. He is a good man, but my loyalty for the English people”

Zayn laughed “ yeah good for you..” he looked at the screen again “ so have you seen him?”

Harry nodded “ I did.. ad he just called me.. He is inside now..”

Then the ceremony started with some jokes Seth was making and the crowd was laughing, and the camera now showed Louis.

“ Here he is Harry”

Harry lifted his head from the ground and he looked t the screen seeing Louis sitting there smiling at the jokes. 

“ he looks good" Zayn said. 

Harry didn’t comment he kept looking till the camera showed another actress, 

“ you are sad.. why didn’t you go"

Harry sighed “ I don’t know.. now I feel stupid, I know I can’t handle all the attention.. you remember what happened last time..”

Zayn laughed “ of course I do.. who doesn’t? The paparazzi was following you here, they gave you a hard time"

Harry nodded “ and all the rumours and lies.. no I can’t handle this perfectly, but still I should be there with him, he is going to win this time”

Zayn nodded “ yes you should be with him"

“ hay" Harry said protesting “ you should say it’s okay, Louis understands"

Zayn laughed “ okay.. it’s okay Louis understands”

Harry raised his brow , Zayn laughed again “ he does.. we all know that.. He understands how uncomfortable you feel around this whole attention.. He understands, but to be honest Harry , he would be more happier if you were with him"

“ shut up" Harry whispered looked down again trying now to hold back his years.

Zayn stood up “ okay.. I am gonna call the boys now.. They said they wanted to watch the awards and support their handsome friend's fiance”

Harry smiled “ they should have some rest"

Zayn leaving the room “ come on .. they want this"

 

All the boys gathered around Harry, with popcorn that Harry didn’t know where did it come from, and drinks . 

They all watched looking interesting and Harry knew they really weren’t they were just trying to be nice since half of the actors in the theatre they had no idea what their names were.

When it came to Louis part, his face was on the screen with other four actors. Harry's heart was racing and he was breathing fast, and again he wished he was there with him holding his hands and assuring him.

“ the winner is Louis Tomlinson” the host said.

And all the place turned crazy, shouting nd screaming and clapping, people were congratulating Harry while Harry was staring at the screen, at Louis who was now kissing his lovely sister, and then the rest of the table, then he walked to the stage.

“ I told you he will win" Zayn said. Harry smiled ad kept watching while Louis received the award and then the mic was his. Harry heard someone was saying silence but he didn’t turned to see who said.

“ thank you.. thank you so much” Louis started, the crowd was still clapping and screaming for him, then gradually they stopped, Louis looked at them smiling widely, then he looked at the award and then he said 

“ finally made it " then he looked at the crowd “ I was nominated four times for this golden globe award.. and every time I had the feeling that this wasn’t my year.. even this time.. But my finace kept saying that I will win this year.. Harry thank you for believing in me baby wish you were here"

Harry blushed and smiled while the boys around him whistled .

“ without you I couldn’t make it .. love you baby “ the crowd went crazy again, Louis laughed 

“ yeah.. make him some noise..” he took a deep breath and Harry knew louis was trying to hold his tears

“ thanks for everyone who supported me.. thanks for everyone who believed in me, Liam thank you man for staying by my side" the camera showed Liam who was standing by Lottie smiling proudly at Louis. 

“ thanks for my sisters.. Lottie thank you sweaty..thanks for everyone who appreciated my work and believed that I deserve to win this.. thanks everyone”

Then he took a few steps back and then he left the stage surrounded by another set of applause and screaming .

After seeing Louis returning to his seat, the alarm went off , suddenly the whole boys including Harry left the place, all running to get dressed and get ready ,Harry was still emotional but as always he had to put his emotions and his feelings aside, nothing should distract him, nothing.

 

They all ran to their cars and then the car moved away from the department while Harry was trying as much as he can not think of Louis. Who was calling him now but of course Harry didn’t pick up, the phone was ringing in the locker while Harry was getting ready to fight the fire he is about to face telling himself that he will see Louis tomorrow, they will celebrate tomorrow, he just had to.hold on.


	2. Chapter 2

Everything was perfect, Harry took this day off, he had plans for it. He as going to take Louis from the airport, then they will go to change their clothes and have some rest, then they are going to celebrate in the restaurant that Louis loves the most . It Will be a great night and Harry really couldn’t wait to see Louis.  
He looked at the large bouquet beside him and smiled, yes definitely great night.

When Harry saw Louis struggling through the cameras and reports, the paparazzi . He felt sorry for him , Louis loved it at the start but then it became really exhausting, especially when they ask those rude questions about his personal life, and he had to control his emotions, his face expression, and his anger. Louis was an angry man and controlling his anger proved how mature he became, Harry couldn’t be more proud.

When Louis saw him from distant, he smiled widely at him so as Harry. Louis walked faster to him still followed by the camera flashes and the click noises, then here came the hug that they both were seeking for, and for a long moment they both forgot everything, forgot the cameras, didn’t hear the questions

“ I miss you" Louis whispered in Harry’s ears, Harry smiled and then he whispered back “ I miss you more"

Suddenly Louis became alert , he took Harry’s hand nd together they walked fast outside the airport, Harry didn’t understand what happened that turned Louis into this, maybe he heard something Harry didn’t hear and Louis was saving Harry the pain.

In the car Harry was driving, it was calm now, they passed the paparazzi and their was going home. Louis was checking the flower in his lap and he was awkwardly silent .

Harry sighed and looked at the road again “ I am sorry..”

Louis snapped his head up at him confused, Harry continued “ I should be there with you.. I am so sorry I don’t know what got me.. I think that was stupid..”

Louis put his hand on Harry’s thigh “ shut up Styles.. I understand”

Harry shook his head “ this won’t happen again.. I promise I will follow you everywhere... I just got scared"

Louis pressed softly “ please.. stop it don't blame your self.. I know , I understand you don’t Have to deal with this again.. It’s bit your mess you don’t Have to face then"

Harry shrugged “ I can do this for you"

Louis smiled “ as long as you are okay.. I am happy Harry”

Harry smiled and looked at Louis “ I love you" Louis said once their eyes met, Harry smiled and nodded saying the same , but he felt there was something wrong, Louis wasn’t okay he was trying to hide something. He didn’t know what .

Louis looked at his lap again and stayed silent .  
Harry tried to open conversations about the ceremony and about the after party, Louis was really trying hard to respond normally but definitely there was something wrong.

 

In their large house, Louis was unpacking his bag while Harry was playing with the award , silence was still .  
Harry looked at a large file beside the bag 

“ what is this baby?”

Louis looked at what Harry was looking at “ it’s a new movie.. I will just have to read it .. but I think I will pass"  
Harry raised his brow “ why? Are they making you play a gay role?” 

Louis finally laughed “ no.. but it’s in U.S... I don’t think I will be able to do it again.. it was really exhausting last time"

Harry pressed his mouth shut, Louis was refusing the movie because of him, last time Louis had a movie back at US, Harry didn’t go and Louis had to move between the US and London to be with Harry, it was really exhausting but eventually he won the golden and Harry knew he would be nominated for the Oscar maybe.

Louis looked at Harry and immediately he knew what Harry was thinking

“ hay baby.. it not like that"

Harry looked at him “ I can have some days off from time to time and come to see you.. it will be my turn"

Louis shook his head ad sat beside Harry “ it’s not like that.. I will see the script first and then I will make my mind..”

Harry nodded looking awfully sorry “ we can make it work .. don’t say no because of me"

Louis smiled “ it’s only you that matters Harry”

Harry smiled widely “ but you love your work.. people love you and...”

“ and I love you" Louis cut him, Harry stopped talking feeling a little bit confused, again Louis was acting weird.

Louis gave him a soft kiss on the cheek and then he left the bed saying “ so where are you taking me tonight?”

Harry looked at him and then he smiled “ it will be a surprise..”

At the evening, heartbeats driving the car and Louis was sitting beside him, Louis insisted to know where they were going , Harry tried not to tell him at the start but eventually he did. Louis after some phone calls got relaxed a little bit , and it was Harry who started to feel anxious. 

When Harry parked the car , everything seemed normal , quiet and calm. Louis got off the car looking around him, it was something he always did looking for anyone with a camera so he and Harry can act normally , then he looked at Harry smiling 

“ are you ready?”

Harry nodded and they together walked to the restaurant, but once they were far from the car, they showed up.

Tens of paparazzi showed heading towards them., when Louis saw them he tensed then he became extra nervous and angry 

“ what the hell... where did they come from" Louis almost yelled,

Harry was nervous too but when he saw the anger in louis's eyes he started to panic.

Louis held his hand tightly “ walk with me Harry..” he said “ I swear to god I am gonna kill you Payne.. I fucking told him..”

Harry tried to calm Louis “ it’s okay.. you just won an award they want to congratulate you.. take it easy"

Now the flash lights were blinding them, “ Don’t look a t them" Louis ordered .

Harry looked at Louis for a second, Harry always knew how to deal with paparazzi so why Louis was that anxious 

He was pressing Harry’s hand tight that it hurt “i will sue them .. I swear “

Harry looked tat him confused “ baby what is wrong with you tonight"

“ just walk" he snapped.

Harry looked at him and then he whispered“ what are you hiding?” but Louis heard him.

Then the questions started “ Louis... Louis congratulations Louis..”

He ignored still dragging Harry beside him furiously.

“ how it feels to win an award Louis..”

“ Louis look at US”

“ so you are still together?”

“ Harry.. did you forgive him on cheating on you"

Harry froze and looked at the one who asked the question, and then he was blinded with the flash, louis grip tensed and he dragged Harry harder that he almost tripped. And then they were inside.

Louis was on the phone yelling “ what the Fuck.. I told you.. I fucking told you .. what..”

Harry was watching Louis losing his mind while he was still trapped at the moment outside , what did that question mean? Did Louis cheat on him?

Then he saw the manager coming, so he walked towards him leaving Louis still yelling in the phone.  
The manger was a decent man, they knew him since long time, he apologized to Harry and told him everything was okay and under control, and they were surprised by that number that showed out of nowhere, Harry accepted the apology with a smile and assured him that everything was okay, the manger told him that the table was ready and Harry walked to get Louis.  
Louis just finished the phone call, worried, anxious, angry he was.

Harry tried to smile while Louis tried to avoid looking at him “ is the table ready?” he asked.

Harry nodded and Louis walked and passed him to the waiter who showed them where their table was.

The place was quiet and the table was at the corner so were not making a scene, 

Harry was looking at Louis, who was looking at the menu , he didn't miss how his hands were shaking.

“ better?” he asked Louis.

But Louis ignored and waved for the waiter to come , and when the waiter come he asked for strong drink and he didn’t even bother taking Harry's opinion.  
Harry was watching Louis doing whatever he wanted, he waited for any eye contact, for any reassurance that things will be okay.

“ what is the matter?” he asked.

Louis huffed in frustration “ what do you mean what is the matter? They are invading my privacy"

Harry frowned at his sudden anger “ they always invade our privacy.. what difference does it make now.. I thought you were okay with this specially now after winning..”

Louis shook his head in frustration “ this has to stop..”

“ what are you talking about Louis..why are you like this?”

“ like what?” finally he looked at him eyes firing, 

Harry looked at Louis' eyes then he closed his eyes

“ oh God.. did you do it?” 

Louis frowned confused “ did what?”

Harry shook.His head and looked at him “ did you cheat on me?”

Louis was shocked, he looked down, and said nothing. Harry’s heart dropped “ no..”

Louis looked at him “ I didn’t..”

Harry didn’t believe “ then why they asked this? And why are you like this..”

Louis bit his lip and then he said “ it’s not like that..”

“ what?!!” Harry gasped 

Louis put his hand on Harry’s hand that was already on the table

“ nothing happened..”

Harry still looking at him shockingly “ what happened?”

Louis squeezed his hand , Harry “ Louis.. answer me.. did you cheat on me"

Louis left Harry’s hand and he rubbed his face “ God stop saying this.. you don’t understand..”

Harry “ okay tell me.. I need to understand"

Louis took a deep breath “ I was plastered..”

Harry pressed his mouth shut looking for more 

Louis looked at him in the eye “ it was the after party.. She is a model, she forced herself on me.. and she started with talking.. and then she stared touching.. Then she kissed me"

Harry gasped but still saying nothing, Louis avoided looking at him 

“ I was wasted so .. I.. at the start I kissed her back.. that’s when they took the photos..” he said shaking 

Harry had to cover his mouth, Louis continued “ I realized what was happening... and I stopped.. and I fought with the one who took the photos .. I don’t know how he got in.. the securities came and took the camera.. but it was too late.. it’s everywhere now"

Harry was still looking at him, then suddenly he put his hand on his pocket and put out his phone,

“ Harry don’t..” Louis begged.

Harry ignored, Louis “ you don’t Have to see them.. nothing more happened..”

But Harry saw them, three photos of Louis kissing a beautiful girl.

Harry's eyes immediately filled with tears, he wiped them away 

“ she is beautiful... your type actually” Harry said 

Louis huffed “ stop it”

Harry put his phone down, and he didn’t say a word.

“ I was going to tell you.. but not now, we are celebrating..”

Harry didn’t look at him “ we were on the phone last night why didn’t you tell me.. I knew there was something wrong.. I thought because I wasn’t there with you”

Louis sighed “ things like this not said on the phone Harry.. it will get complicated..”

Harry was getting angry “ so you let me to them.. I looked like a complete idiot..”

Louis was getting angry too “ I told you nothing happened”

“ obviously something happened.. why didn’t you tell me"

“ oh fuck you” Louis said crossing his arms on his chest.

Harry was looking at him “ no, you don’t get to be angry of me.. it’s not my fault..”

Louis looked at him “ actually.. it is, nothing would happen if you sacrificed a little and joined me"

Harry was shocked, Louis shook his head in frustration, then he stood up 

“ I need to use the loo"

Then he walked away leaving Harry to his thoughts, Harry watched him disappearing in the hall that leads to the toilet, there was a couple who stopped him for a photo, he stopped and pretended smiling perfectly that it hurt.

Harry looked at the phone again, he picked it up and he looked at the photos again, his heart ached then he starts to read the comments, and it was painful.

They were insulting Harry, saying that Louis finally came back to his mind, that he didn’t deserve Harry who always leave him to face everything alone, they accused Harry for being unsupported boyfriend and they were encouraging Louis to end the relation with Harry immediately , no one said it was louis' mistake, that all blamed Harry, and he somehow started to panic. He was believing them.

“ please don’t read those comments..”

Louis said who was sitting now in front of Harry, Harry didn’t feel him coming, he also didn’t feel he was crying until he felt his tears on his cheeks, he hastily wiped his tears away and he put the phone back.

Louis looked horribly sorry now, he held Harry’s hand 

“ I am sorry I said that"

Harry looked down, he knew he meant this, but he also knew he was truly sorry 

“ I am just nervous.. and still stressed I guess..”

Harry only nodded, Louis “ nothing happened Harry.. we don’t Have to make it a big deal.. okay"

Harry looked at him “ promise?”

Louis nodded “ of course.. I love you.. you"

Harry nodded and looked down again “ they say..”

“ don’t mind what they say.. they know nothing about us, who are they to judge us, just don’t mind them"

Harry took a deep breath, then he covered his eyes again, Louis “ baby.. stop it please"

Harry nodded “ it’s not how I planned for the night"

Louis smiled “ don’t let what happened spoil the night then, please ” he truly pleaded.

Harry looked at him and nodded, Louis “ I am so sorry baby.. I am so sorry.. I will never do it again" he kissed his hand 

Harry smiled “ I know"

Although he smiled his heart was crying, because it happened anyway, Louis kissed someone else, a woman. And now everyone knows.

They both tried to make the night pass as smooth as it could, Louis was still nervous Harry was still sad, but both of them were still trying.

When they were leaving they didn’t care about the paparazzi or the cameras, they didn’t really care, and when they arrived home, another tens of paparazzi were waiting for them. Okay Louis knew they would follow for long , they now had something to talk about, they would come up with stories about the cheating and he knew that what was coming would be very hard on both him and Harry.

That night Harry couldn’t sleep. He saw Louis taking one of his sleeping pills and he knew louis was exhausted too and his mind wasn’t having mercy on him.

He looked at him sleeping beside him , even he was sleeping but his face was restless. It hurt Harry so much and he was afraid that there was more. He felt Louis was hiding something else and he didn’t want to push Louis to say it, not now at least.

Harry’s phone vibrated beside him , he was confused who would try to contact him at this time, he took His phone and it was 3 in the morning, and there was a text .  
When he opened the text he realised it was a video, and when he played it he gasped. Maybe it was too loud that Louis stirred beside him.

Harry looked at Louis with a glossy eye and then he left the bed to the bathroom where he was still watching the video. He felt the world was spinning and he couldn’t control his legs, he needed something to support him so he leaned on the wall . He then closed his eyes and put the phone at the sink marble and he tried to take a full breath. He couldn’t control his sobs so he fell on the ground and buried his face between his knees. And he cried.

Next morning, Louis opened his eyes , his head hurt and when he looked at the clock beside him it was 2 pm.

 

He stretched and he looked at Harry’s side which was empty , he thought Harry was in the kitchen but he was confused why didn’t Harry wake him up till now.

He left the ned and he headed directly to the kitchen down stairs and there was no Harry. He looked everywhere and Harry wasn’t there. Okay calm down.  
He was taking the day off , he was sure Harry said something like that. He moved back to his room and he sat on his bed and took his Phone and there was a text from Harry.

“ had to go to work , great fire"

Louis frowned, because even though Harry always woke him up before leaving. Harry was still upset.  
He took a deep breath and then he called liam

“ good morning Lou" Liam said.

“ morning Payno..”

“ what is wrong ? Are you sick? Did something happened?”

Louis “ yeah.. he knows..”

“ shit.. knows?.”

Louis shrugged “ not everything .. just what I know” he chuckled “ I skipped the part where I woke up naked with a girl beside me on the bed"

Liam “ shit.. how did he know? Did you tell him?”

Louis “ he heard I was cheating.. and when he asked I couldn’t lie so I told him what happened”

“ and how did he take it?”

“ I honestly don’t know.. we didn’t talk much last night and when I came I took my pills I didn’t want to talk liam.. I mean what should I say.. my photos are everywhere and he read the comments.. I can’t make anything better for now.. he is already there"

He heard liam sighing “ people are awful"

Louis “ listen.. He is at work.. He says there a big fire or something..”

“ yeah.. there is I heard about it, the media is covering it..”

Louis frowned he took the remote control from beside him and opened the tv 

“ a big building is on fire.. full of people and children"

Louis was looking at the tv, the reporter was talking and behind her the building that was on fire , the camera showed firemen everywhere, some where up on their large ladder hanging up there trying to put down the fire.

“ shit.. it’s huge" Louis whispered, and somehow he didn’t feel l “ I don’t feel okay about it Liam”Louis said.

“ what? Why? He is good .. He knows what he is doing, you don't have to worry every time"

Louis looking nervously at the tv screen, then there was an explosion 

“ damn it.. did you see that" Louis said jumping up from his bed.

Liam “ relax... they know why they are doing.. listen I am on my way"

Louis nodded “ okay.. Okay”

 

It took Liam ten minutes to be there, Louis was now in the kitchen drinking coffee losing his mind, he was still not feeling okay, he was nervous and all he wanted now was to see Harry.

He tried to call Harry and Zayn but of course he couldn’t get to anyone. 

The doorbell rang and Louis jumped to open, Liam was at the door , when he saw louis his smile dropped 

“ you look awful man"

Louis tried to smile “ come inside"

He moved inside back to the kitchen followed by Liam, 

“ coffee?”

Liam looking at the screen “ yeah .. Okay”

Louis poured him the coffee and gave him his cup and sat beside him , he looked at the screen again , the firefighters were still trying to put the fire down.

“ so what will you do?” Liam asked

Louis sighed and looked at Liam “ I don’t know.. I will talk to him again"

Liam nodded “ I think you should tell him what exactly happened”

Louis shook his head “ I don’t know about that.. I don’t think I can"

Liam looked surprised “ what? You can’t hide this from him.. what happens when he knows?”

“ how exactly will he know? I won't tell him , she won’t tell him.. you?”

Liam huffed in frustration “ no I am not, cause you will, you hide this from him he deserves better than this Louis..”

Louis shook his head “ I don’t know if I can.. I will lose him Liam..”

“ not if you explained what happened”

“ I don’t know what happened”

“ exactly.. that’s what you need to tell him.. you didn’t know.. you were so excited after winning , you drank a lot.. got yourself plastered .. Then you don’t know why happened next"

Louis shook his head again , he looked at the cup on the table, trying to remember for the thousand time what exactly happened but he couldn’t.

“ shit” said Liam jumping up from his seat.

Louis startled and looked at him, liam was looking at the screen, eye full of dread , Louis looked at the screen still confused, he didn’t understand what he saw.

Then the reporter said “ he fell.. He saved the little child but he couldn’t save himself.. He fell oh my God"

Then the camera showed the building and then there was another explosion but this time there was a man flying down from the fourth floor directly to the ground.  
Louis couldn’t breath, couldn’t talk, it was Harry. He just knew it was Harry.

L the reporter said “ we don’t know who is the foreman that fell.. we don’t know if he was alive or not..” 

Then the camera showed people were gathering around a body on the ground , Louis left his seat and took few steps closer to the screen 

“ it’s Harry” he whispered.

Liam heard him “ shut up.. Harry is okay"

“ he is Harry” Louis said again,

Then they saw Zayn running and yelling, Then he got inside the circle that was around the body and then the reporter showed again

“ we got the name.. Harry styles.. 26.. we hope he is okay"

Louis didn’t hear what else was said, he saw a pic of Harry wearing his fire clothes, then another pic of Harry with him hand and hand.

Then he felt someone was shaking him , his eyes were still on tv. Then he saw Liam 

“ Louis.. focus please... let’s go"

He took him and he pulled him to The car. Louis was still not focusing, he was still seeing Harry falling in his head over and over again .

He was shaking and he was crying , Liam was pressing his thigh trying to calm him down, but Louis wasn’t calming at all, he was panicking and he was losing his mind, Harry fell from the building, Harry fell from the building , he kept seeing Harry falling from the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is it so far?


	3. Chapter 3

The morning of the accident,

Harry couldn’t sleep, after watching that video he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t even blink and he tried his best to stop crying.

He drank coffee, lots of coffee , he had a terrible headache and he took medicine and large mouth of caffeine but the headache was still there. He was in the kitchen alone when his phone rang. It was Zayn, Harry knew there was something wrong Harry never call this early , Zayn never call when they he knew Harry was having dying off with Louis.

“ Zayn?”

“ Harry.. you are up?” his voice was tensed.

“ what is wrong?”

“ there is a huge fire at the south west.. we need every man.. that are calling every department”

Harry shot up and was running up stairs “ I am on my way"

******

When Harry was wearing his fire clothes, he remembered he hadn’t told Louis anything, so he grabbed his phone and he sent a text before tossing it back at the locker.

“ you are okay, mate?” asked Zayn examining Harry.  
Harry avoided looking at him

“ I am fine"

Zayn walked closer to him “ you look shit.. have you slept?” he asked worried this time.

Harry sighed “ I said I am fine..”

Zayn “ listen.. it’s a huge fire, if you are not okay.. if you are not focusing I think you should stay”

Harry huffed in frustration , he slammed his locker shut “ I said I am fine"

“ let's go, let’s go"

they herd their friends were calling so Harry walked fast Zayn was about to held his forearm but Harry was faster than him. ZAYN sighed and eventually he followed.

******

 

The fire was eating everything, it was still morning so everyone was still locked inside , it was eleven floor building and the fire was literally everywhere. Four fire cars were there at the scene, the media also was there.

“ fuck , what are they doing here?” Harry cursed when he saw the cameras . Zayn was walking behind him looking at the cameras

“ they are doing their job..”

Then theey gathered around their boss, who divided the tasks around the team, and as usual Harry and Zayn were together, and they supposed to check floor four , evacuate everyone, check every corner.

They both climbed the ladder, Harry was silent and Zayn was still checking him.

“ please stop..” Harry finally said

Zayn shook his head “ you are not okay.. I m worried"

The ladder stopped, in front of the hall window, Harry sighed and he broke the glass window with the tank in his hands, he then looked at Zayn

“ don’t” 

Then he walked inside following be Zayn, they were running, they knew better than waiting their time in talking, they were checking the flats , ten flats in every floor, and they were only two, so everyone should check five by himself.

They were told that the flats were empty but of course they need to make sure. 

The first six plates were empty, when they check any flat they should say check the number of flat loud so his partner listen.

The seventh flat , here was a problem, Zayn came out carrying two Childers in his hands, when Harry says h he ran to his side 

“ shit.. are there anyone else?”

Zayn looked at him “ they say their brother is missing.. Four years..”

Harry nodded “ go , go.. I will check him, what is your brother name kiddo?”

He asked the crying older girl in Zayn's arm 

She looked at him still crying panicked “ Louis..”

Harry nodded and looked at Zayn before they both walked in opposite ways.

Harry was calling the boy name “ Louis.. Lou.. are you in there?”

He found the eight and nine flat were already opened , he checked them.looking for the kid and for anything else.. it was when the first explosion happened, Harry almost tripped and he had to lean on the wall , the fire were everywhere and the smoke was at the maximum, he knew if the kid was still here he would be passed out.

He checked the tenth flat and he was calling the kid name louder this time , then he heard Zayn was calling his name

“ Harry get out of here.. the place is falling down.. there might be another explosion “

Harry came out of flat ten and he looked at Zayn on the big ladder

“ have you found the kid”

Zayn “ I didn’t.. Harry.. get out of here"

Harry looked around him yelling 

“ where are you kid.. answer me"

Then he noticed something, and yes it was the kid lying flat at the corner of the wall.

“ I found him"

he yelled and he ran and held the body in his hands, he started to feel that the ground was shaking underneath him, he ran to the window and he gave Zayn the kid, and for a split second he felt dizzy, from smile, or lack of sleep, he didn’t care. But Zayn saw it, Harry was shaking and he was swaying .

“ shit Harry are you okay?” 

Harry didn’t look at Zayn , he lift his leg to put it on the ladder but it happened too fast, another explosion, Harry missed his steps and he felt flying, Zayn reached his hand to catch him but it was too late, Harry heard screaming and then he felt pain shooting all his body , he couldn’t breath , like his lung had suddenly collapsed. 

Then darkness.

*****

When Louis and Liam arrived at the hospital, Louis promised liam he was now better nd he had everything under control. He had a panic attack at the car that Liam had to pull over so he can calm his friend down.  
So right now Louis was a little bit shaken up but all he wanted to hear that he was still alive.

When they arrived at waiting room where they told Liam to wit, they saw four of men still wearing their uniform , Liam took louis arm.and walked towards them and it was when Zayn saw Louis, he ended to him and he hugged him tightly, Louis tried not to cry again 

“ tell me he is alive .. please”

Zayn looked at him “ they are not telling us anything, Niall was just here and he told me he was still in surgery.. so that means he is alive"

Louis nodded, great Niall was there, Niall would take care of Harry, Naill was Louis' s best friend and that made him Harry's beat friend too. 

Liam looking at the guys “ for how long he is in there?”

One of the men said “ two.. they said he broke every bone”

Louis gasped at that, but Liam squeezed his shoulder, and he pushed him to soy, Louis obliged to obey, and he sat right beside Liam.

One hour later, Louis and Liam were still sitting in the same spot, Zayn showed up again after disappearing fifteen minute ago, his smelled cigarette. Louis looked at him and he saw how pale and panicked his eyes looked.

Then he felt Liam suddenly jumped up of his seat, Louis looked in front and he saw Niall. He jumped up too looking at Niall eyes begging .

Niall looked really exhausted, his eyes were red and looked like crying, louis' heart skipped a beat, he was afraid to ask.

“ how is he?” it was Zayn.

Niall didn’t smile as usual , he just looked at Louis 

“ he is alive"

Louis sighed and closed his eyes, Niall continued

“ he is still critical though.. He has collapsed lungs, and he had broken all his ribs we penetrated the lungs.. and his heart..” 

Louis didn’t know he was crying, but he felt Liam embraced him, Niall put his hand on his arm 

“ you need to listen carefully..” Louis looked at Niall “ he is still in the surgery ... there is bleeding in the brain they are try in to alleviate the swollen and control the bleeding"

“ oh God..” Louis whispered feeling the world in spinning around him . Liam grip became tighter.

“ when can we know he passed the danger?” liam asked

Niall sighed and took a deep breath “ I will inform you when I known anything”

Then he looked at Louis “ hold on..” he put his hand on his shoulder, and he looked at the others “ I have to go now..”

But Louis held his hand and he looked at Niall in the eye “ don’t let him die”

Niall nodded “ he is strong..”

And then he left running back inside again.

Louis slowly felt someone pulled him to sit, and he st back between Liam and Zayn.

Then he heard sniffling beside him, Zayn was crying in his hands, Louis didn’t want that now, Harry was still alive no one should cry not now, not ever.

He put his hand on Zayn's thigh “ stop crying..” he said sternly 

Zayn looked at him and he shook his head “ I am sorry . But I should know.. I knew there was something wrong"

“ what do you mean?”

Zayn shrugged “ the moment I saw him this morning I knew there was something in his mind I shouldn’t let him go.. I shouldn’t let him come with me.. He wasn’t focusing and he slipped ...God it’s all my fault"

Louis heart dropped, he squeezed Zayn's thigh and he said “ shh.. not your fault.. calm down"

But Zayn wasn’t calming down at all, he stood up and he left for another round of cigarette again ok  
Louis knew what exactly Zayn was talking about, he looked at Liam and when their eyes met, Liam looked down. Nd exactly at this moment, Louis realised it was his fault, no one else. Just his fault.

 

Three hours later, Harry was still at the surgery, no changes happened, Niall showed up again two hours go, Sid the same nd then left. Louis was literally losing his mind, he couldn’t do it anymore . He needed some distractions, so he put out his phone he saw ten missed callers from his sisters, four from Ed Sheeran , two for James Cordron , some other phones from unknown numbers, he ignored them all and he checked his Twitter, he always knew how fast the news spread, but he didn’t expect to see Harry's footage of him falling everywhere, people sent their prayers to Louis and they supported him, some others wished that Harry die so Louis be free again, he couldn’t take that bullshit so he was going to turn his phone off, when his phone rang it was Lottie.

Liam looked at the phone “ she called me an hour ago.. She said you are not answering"

Louis nodded “ I should take it outside..”

He stood up and Liam did the same “ no.. you stay, tell me if anything happened”

Liam nodded and sat back, Louis moved away while answering

“ lottie..”

“ thanks God.. please tell me anything new"

Louis shook his head trying to control his voice “ still in the surgery”

He herd Lottie sighing “ he is going to be okay Lou..”

“ I don’t know about that"

He was outside the hospital “ have you seen the footage of him falling... Damn Lottie he took a bad hit.. I am so scared..”

“ I know.. I know..”

“ he broke lots of his bones.. He broke all his ribs.. His lungs are collapsed, his heart.. His brain..”

He herd Lottie crying now “ but he will be fine Lou.. he is strong”

Louis wiped his tears “ pray for him please”

“ I am.. I am no my way with Fizzy.. we will be here in three hours max"

“ you don’t Have to"

“ we want to be with you.. hang on there Lou.. please”

He nodded, and then he hanged up after saying byes,  
He then took a deep breath, he put his phone back, then he felt a hand on his shoulder , it was Zayn

“ couldn't get inside again"

Louis nodded and walked with Zayn to sit on a bench beside the hospital door.

“ anything?”

Louis shook his head, zayn put out another cigarette , he gave Louis one and he took another. He lit Louis' and then his, and he took a large drag .

“ he is gonna be passed if he saw me smoking again" Louis said

Zayn nodded “ I am not gonna tell"

Louis nodded taking another drag, Zayn sighed “ so.. He saw the photos?” 

Louis looked at him, Zayn “ that’s why he was mad"

Louis shook his head “ It’s not like what they say"

Zayn nodded “ I know.. what happened?” 

Louis took a deep breath “ I was drunk..”

Zayn again nodded “ did you talk?”

Louis shrugged “ not really... if you'd seen the photos then you saw the comments.. He saw them too”

Zayn taking another drag “ people are mean.. “

Louis “ they are... He doesn’t deserve this..”

“ he understands though... He knew how it’s like to date a star like you.. it’s hard but he always says you deserve it" 

Louis closed his eyes, he didn’t deserve it, Harry was too much for him and he didn’t deserve him.

“ lads..”

Both Zayn and Louis looked at Liam who was standing in front of him.

“ he is out of the surgery..”


	4. Chapter 4

“ coma?” Louis asked not understanding.

Liam and Zayn were beside him, while Niall was explaining Harry’s condition now.

“ yes Louis, he is in a coma..” Niall said very sorry.

Louis “ what does it mean? “

Niall looked at Liam confused then he started to talk

“ it means.. He is unable to wake up by his own"

Louis looked down “ Fuck .. I know what does it mean.. I mean for how long?”

Niall “ we don’t know yet.. He is just out of the surgery.. His body is stressed and broken, he had a hit on his head .. so we’re not sure for now..”

“ give me time Niall” Louis snapped at him.

Niall shook his head still calm “ I can’t.. if I give you any time, it would be a false hope, we just have to wait and see Louis..”

Louis shook his head “ no..”

The three men looked at him, Louis shook his head again “ no.. this is not happening.. no..”

He was walking away but Liam grabbed his arms, Louis yanked his hand hard, and he walked away from them.

Liam followed him not saying a word, Zayn looked at Niall “ is he gonna make it?”

Niall chewed his lip “ he is still in danger Zayn.. all his organs are somehow damaged, his lungs, his heart, his brain, most of his bones.. it was a nasty fall and if he ever come back then it would be a miracle”

“ if ?” Zayn whispered

Niall took a deep breath “ he has a severe brain injury His score on the Glasgow scale is very low... He is not breathing by his own.. it’s very bad"

Zayn put his hand on his mouth to suppress a scream, Niall looked at him eyes glossy

“ it’s going to be hard.. I am not gonna decorate it but.. if he makes it.. if he comes out of his coma.. He won't be the same Harry”

Zayn frowned “ what do you mean?”

“ let’s just wait and see.. right now I have to focus on his getting better and you should focus on Louis so he won’t lose his mind"

“ can we see him?”

Niall sighed “ probably.. not the best idea for tonight.. he is all patched up.. His face is swollen. It’s not gonna be easy..”

Zayn looked down , Niall “ I am sorry, I know he is your brother .. But it’s for your best.. I can’t let his shape hunt you”

Zayn slowly nodded , and then Niall put his hand on his shoulder and then he excused himself looking for Louis.

Zayn said nothing , only looking down when Niall walked away.

*****  
Louis was in the bathroom, vomiting, he had nothing left in there but he couldn’t stop himself , Niall entered the bathroom and he saw Liam was waiting for Louis with Kleenex, he gave Liam a sad smile and then he entered the stall where Louis was sitting on the ground leaning on the toilet.

Niall knelt and sat beside him 

“ I can’t do it again" first thing Louis said when he saw Niall. Niall nodded. Louis leaned his back on the wall beside the toilet.

“ I can’t lose him too" Louis said crying.

Niall “ I know.. But you can’t do anything about it too"

Louis sobbed “ you said that too when I lost mum"

Niall nodded “ I remember..”

Louis sobbed hard “ I am losing him too"

Niall took a deep breath and he moved closer to Louis, he hugged , but Louis said 

“ no.. I am not losing him, please, he is all I have"

“ I know..”

Liam was crying outside , although he was louis s manager and he only met Harry five years ago, but they clicked from hello, and it hurts so much seeing his friend breaking like that, and knowing Harry is somewhere broken literally inside and outside.

Niall “ let’s go and clean you up.. I need to explain it to you"

******

 

Finally Louis calmed down a little bit, he was sitting at the stuff room by Niall and Liam ,

Niall gave Louis something hot to drink, and he measured his blood pressure since Louis always has a bad case of high blood pressure. When Niall was sure everything was doing okay, he started explaining to Louis how Harry’s case was.

“ all his broken bones will heal eventually.. so as his lungs" he started with the good news.

“ Harry had a bad impact on his head, and his back, he broke his back, his neck, his two shoulders, his hip bone, his wrests..”

“ shit..” Louis looked down his breathing hitched in His throat.

Niall looked at him and he put his hand on his thigh 

“ all the broken bones will be healed.. it’s okay..”

“ does it hurt?” Louis whispered.

Niall shook his head “ he doesn’t feel anything..”

Louis whispered again covering his eyes “ oh God..”

Niall stopped talking, but Louis said

“ please.. continue”

Ni all took a deep breath “ his lungs had collapsed.. But they are also will heal as soon as possible.. He will breath by his own in no time .. about his heart the damage wasn’t so bad.. so ..”

Louis cried.

He tried to control it but he couldn’t, how could he stay calm while listening to how broken Harry was, everything in Harry’s body was wrong, was damaged, 

Niall had to say the bad news , so he started “ he has a bad brain injury Louis.. we tried to stop the bleeding and to control the swelling.. we tried to help him as much as we can.. But as I told you before .. He is in coma"

Liam was looking at Louis who was still crying, then the door was opened and Zayn entered, he looked at Louis and he said nothing, he just sat beside them on the chair.

Niall continued “ we don’t know when and if he is ever going to wake up"

Louis looked at him now eyes full of dread , 

Niall said “ we still know nothing Louis.. we will wait till the swollen is gone and we will see about it... his brain activity is very low and we don’t expect him to wake up anytime soon"

“ but he is going to wake up, right? He has to Niall.. he has to wake up"

Niall nodded, and he heard shuddered breath came from Zayn direction, 

“ tell me he is waking up.. please” Louis was crying mess now, he clutched Niall's shirt like his life depended on it.

When Niall saw how Louis was panicking and he knew he was about to have a panic attack , things he used to have when he was a little.

“ Louis...breath for me okay..”

Louis shook his head frantically, he then clutched his shirt and looked at Niall's eyes, Niall knew he couldn’t breath.

He jumped up from his seat, and he lied Louis down on the couch with Liam help

“ he is panicking...”

Liam holding Louis's hand “ I know.. it’s his second attack this day..”

Zayn was already beside Niall “ what can I do?”

Niall looking at Louis who was still struggling to breath “ I need you to call any nurse you see Zayn..”

Zayn ran directly outside the room , while Niall knelt beside Louis and he said to him calmly “ you need to breath for me Louis.. come on man..”

Louis wasn’t breathing, and now he was seeing black dots at the corners of his eyes, he was going to pass out he knew that , even if he hadn’t any attack long time ago, he still remembers the feeling. He looked at Niall with eyes full of tears, Niall was faintly appearing to him, and then he saw darkness.

***** 

Next time when Louis opened his eyes, he heard girls voices , his sisters were there .

“ he is awake" that was Lottie.

“ should I bring anyone..” that was Fizzy.

“ Niall said if he was breaking down or something.. He is not.. isn’t he?” lottie again.

“ I am gonna call Liam..” FizZy.

“ shut up..” he finally said. 

He looked between his sisters “ don’t call anyone.. I am not breaking down or anything..” he said.

His two sisters were looking at him worriedly expecting something.

“ I am okay..” he sighed

Then his two sisters moved closer and hugged him , he knew they were crying and he was also bout to cry, but as always he had to be strong for his sisters.

“ what time is it?” he asked wondering 

“ almost midnight..” FizZy.

“ what?!!”

“ yes... They knocked you down.. you were panicking”   
Lottie said , he looked at his lap “ how is he?”

Lottie “ all I know is.. he is the same"

Louis nodded , then the door was opened and Liam entered face frowning and Louis immediately knew he was tensed.

When he saw Louis sitting on the bed, he sighed “ you are up?”.

Louis nodded “ what’s wrong?”

Liam getting closer “ relax.. nothing is wrong..”

Then Lottie and Fizzy walked away and sat at the couch at the corner of the room, 

Louis said when Liam sat in front of him on the bed 

“ what happened?”

“ nothing to worry about"

“ liam..”

Liam took a deep breath “ the media is going crazy about Harry.. They keep spreading false news and they've been calling to know from you.. Obviously there is someone inside who is giving them Harry’s condition..”

Louis getting angry “ what they are saying"

“ I told you... all fake news"

Louis shook his head and was leaving his bed , Liam stopped him “ where are you going?”

Louis already was on his feet “ I have to see him"

Liam shook his head “ not a good idea..”

Louis looking angry “ says who?”

Liam stood up too so as the girls, Liam tried" Niall said not tonight"

Louis already walking “ screw Niall.. I will see him"

When Louis arrived at the intensive care unit, he saw Niall getting out of it followed by Zayn, he felt his blood boiled in his veins, he rushed to them

“ I need to see him"

Niall looked at him “ how are you feeling?”

Louis snapped “ I need to see him “

Niall shook his head “ not tonight Louis..”

Louis pissed off “ you let Zayn see him?"

Niall took a deep breath “ I know but...”

Louis yelled “ no buts.. I will see him now..”

He was walking inside, when Niall held his hand, and it was when Louis lost his mind, Louis punched Niall on the face then he jumped at him, held him from his caller and trapped him in the wall, Liam and Zayn was trying to separate the two while all what Niall did was raising his hands up , he didn’t even tried to defend himself.

“ I want to see him now and no one can stop me" he yelled, Niall closed his eyes, while Liam was saying “ let him go"

Louis didn’t hear Liam , he was still looking at Niall “ do you fucking her me.. no one can stop me not even you Niall”

“ let go Louis..” said Liam trying to loosen his tight grip on Niall, then they heard the sound of click, and the was a flash.

That put Louis into his full rage, he looked at the whoever was taking the photo, a nurse, a doctor, or even a visitor. Then he ran to the man and jumped on him and together they fell on the ground, Louis punched the man on the face furiously, 

“ what the fuck are you doing.. what are you watching, huh?”

He punched again “ how is that as...” then he felt someone grabbed him under his arms and pushed him away from the man, Louis was still struggling, still fighting , but he was carried and moving away 

“ how is that as a photo huh.. you are fucking asshole” 

he saw Liam was trying to help the man to stand, then he was inside the bathroom, and finally he was down again, he turned and faced the one who was carrying him and he pushed him away without recognizing.

When he looked again at the man who was hit the ground behind him and almost flipped he saw it was Zayn.

Zayn stood up right waving for Louis to calm down, Louis was storming outside but Zayn again stopped him he locked his way by standing in front of the door 

“ let me go Zayn.. don’t fucking start with me"

Zayn didn’t move “ you need to calm down Louis..”

Louis yelled still trying “ don’t fucking ask me to calm down... not you"

Zayn was still trying to keep his nerves “ okay.. But being angry help in what exactly?”

“ I want to see him"

“ I know"

“ then move the fucking away"

Louis tried again, but Zayn didn’t move again and was ready to stop him.

“ what did you tell him this time Zayn.. how could you even convince Niall to let you in?”

Zayn didn’t talk again, he just pressed his mouth shut knowing exactly what he meant.

“ move away Zayn.. let me see my fiance”

Then he saw Zayn crying, and he froze.

Louis stopped talking , he knew Zayn was a man with no tears, strong and sometime cruel man, so seeing him crying for his words really shocked him.

Zayn wiped his eyes hastily “ don’t see him this way"

Louis was still looking at Zayn “ that bad?”

Zayn didn’t talk at first, then he took a deep breath “ I know you still hate me for what happened last year.. I know you don’t like seeing me here, but Harry is my brother and what happened before was a misunderstanding that you didn’t want to listen.. you still don’t want to listen.. But right now.. I need you to listen to me”

Louis didn’t move “ he is not like Harry in there..”

Louis just nodded, he was also crying, Zayn just moved closer and then he hugged him “ I am so sorry that this happened to him.. so sorry”

Louis nodded then buried his face in Zayn's neck crock.

*****   
At the staff room, Louis was on the couch with Zayn then Niall entered the room,.holding two ice bags, he gave one to Louis and sat beside him without talking, putting the other one on his cheek where Louis punched him.

Louis put the ice on his knuckles , Niall was avoiding looking at him, he instead looked at Zayn 

“ you should go home..”

Zayn only shook his head “ I can’t... I won’t be able to stop thinking”

Niall “ there is really nothing you can do, just go home, have a warm shower.. some sleep then come back"

Zayn looked down, Niall “ it will help all of us here if you give your body some rest..”

Louis then put his hand on Zayn's thigh “ you should go... I will call you if anything happened”

Zayn shook his head again “ I can’t.. I can’t leave you alone"

Louis shook his head “ I am not alone.. Liam is just giving the girls the ride , he is bringing me some new clean clothes and he will be here very soon.. just go Zayn I will be fine here, Niall is here"

Niall didn’t talk, or even look at Zayn.

Then the door was opened and Liam entered looked very angry.

He walked and sat beside Louis. He gave him his bag.  
Louis “ what is wrong?”

Liam huffed “ people are being mean...”

Louis sighed , he didn’t ask any questions, he didn’t want to know.

“ what happened this time?” Niall asked

“ he is suing him, he needs a compensation”

Louis cursed “ fuck him.. He was taking photos”

Liam “ you are a famous guy Louis of course he would take photos..”

Louis “ he can’t do that"

Liam “ he can.. and he will”

Louis was getting angry “ bullshit”

“ you broke his nose" Niall finally talked.

Louis looked at Niall and then he didn’t talk. NIALL continued “ you can’t do that.. I know you are worried and you are scared but you can’t do this, you can’t attack innocent people and you can’t attack the doctor who happened to be your best friend”

Louis looked down “ I am sorry.. you are right"

Niall sighed in frustration but said nothing.

Liam “ paparazzi are waiting out side the hospital.. it’s being crazy outside”

Zayn sighed “ shit..”

Liam “ are you leaving?”

Zayn “ just for couple of hours”

Liam “ I talked to the hospital security, they are opening us the back door"

Zayn nodded, Liam asked “ do you have a car?”

Zayn “ no but.. it’s okay"

Liam stood up “ come on I will give you the ride"

Zayn looked at Louis, liam “ he will be okay.. Niall is here"

Zayn stood up, and he said “ I won't be late"

Louis nodded “ it’s okay..”

Then Zayn squeezed his shoulder and he left, so as Liam.

The room was empty, expect for him and Niall. Louis took a deep breath, he knew he owned Niall more than a sorry.

“ I am sorry..” he started, 

Niall sighed and put the ice by in front of him on the table. 

“ I don’t know what happened to me .. When I saw Zayn getting out it just it drove me crazy.. I am really sorry .. But I mean you let Zayn see him and not me"

Niall shook his head on disbelief, Louis “ I am sorry”

“ I don’t need you to apologize Louis.. I understand, but this is Zayn who we are talking about"

“ I know"

“ no you don’t obviously, come on Louis.. you how he feels for Harry , you know how close they are, they were raised together he is a brother"

“ he is my fiance"

“ he never loses his mind... look at you"

Louis stopped talking, Niall “ I will let you see him, but you need to promise me you will control your nerves .. you have to, it’s a long ride"

Louis sighed “ give me a moment" then he looked at Niall “ I just same the man I love flying on the air and hit the ground.. I saw him Niall.. and then you come and told me he is in critical condition and he is in a coma..what am I supposed to do"

Niall “ i.. "

“ I am sorry that I lost it there.. I am sorry that I hit you, and hit that man.. But .. this is Harry” his voice cracked.  
Niall left his seat and sat beSide him on the couch, he put his hand on his shoulder “ I love you.. you know that, right?”

Louis wiped his tears “ he is Harry”

Niall nodded “ we both know how strong he is.. He is the strongest between us all"

Louis wanted to believe that really hard, “ tell me he will be okay, please”

Niall closed his eyes , then he looked down “ I can’t.. you know I can’t”

Louis nodded , he looked down too “ can i at least see him"

Niall nodded.

******   
When Niall opened the door, he looked at Louis in the eye and said to him “ don’t lose it here"

Then he gave Louis the room to enter.

First thing he saw was large machines, lots of wires, huge bed, large noises.

Peep, peep,peep

Then he took few steps towards the bed, then he saw a huge tube coming out from Harry’s throat, and then he gasped.

Harry was all covered in white, his leg was elevated, both hands were covered in huge casts.

Then he looked at his face and there where he felt he couldn’t breath, large gauze around his head, his eyes were kept close by white plasters, he knew they were swollen though, he could barely recognize him, nothing ever showed that this man was Harry.

Slowly Louis stopped by him, he was crying he knew that and he let himself cry. He looked at Harry’s hand he reached his hand and slowly he touched it, his hand where his ring was at Harry’s finger, he closed his mouth to stop himself from screaming.

He cried hard now and then he whispered 

“ please.. don’t leave me Harry, please”

He knew there would be no answer, but he waited. He looked at Harry’s face and he felt his stomach twisted hard, he had to leave , he couldn’t do that anymore. He stepped away and he walked outside barely controlling his legs, his breath, his mind.

Niall took his hand and together they walked back to the room they were in. Louis let him, they all were right. This was not Harry. Not Harry at all.


	5. Chapter 5

Three days later,

 

Louis finally went home for some rest, Harry was still on Intensive care unit, but at least he was stable . So Niall convinced Louis to have some proper rest, get some sleep and shave maybe then come back.  
Louis stayed with Harry for an hour until he finally was convinced to leave, so he promised Harry he would come back later that night.

He over slept. It was like his body have up, shut down on him so he couldn’t walk at night to go to Harry, he didn’t feel his alarm clock. So when he opened his eyes he saw Sun rays.

He jumped bolt up right on his bed looking around him trying to recognize where he was. Slowly he realized that he was home, Harry was still at the hospital, it was the next day and he slept for nearly 20 hours.

He left his bed feeling aching all over his body but he didn’t care, he needed shower and ran back to Harry.  
First thing he did before his shower was calling Liam, Liam assured him that everything was okay, Harry was still stable , they waited for him and when he didn't show up Liam had to check on him, he saw him sleeping deeply so he didn’t disturb. Liam told him that he was still in the hospital he didn’t leave Harry’s side and Zayn was on his way to take him to the hospital, he also told him to check on his Twitter and say anything to calm his fans nd stop the rumours.

After Louis broke down in the hospital and lost his mind that night and pushed Niall and that other man, the video was leaked to the media and they said something no one could ever think about.

( Louis Tomlinson broke down after his Fiance committed a suicide)

When Louis read the headline he became extreme angry, started to break things and yelling and shouting, they said Harry suicide after seeing the photos of Louis kissing that woman, they were blaming Louis for Harry’s accident and Louis was blaming himself too.  
Zayn said Harry wasn’t okay, he knew Harry didn’t try to kill himself but he also knew it was his fault somehow. Harry was angry and upset, he wasn’t himself and that lead to the accident.

Louis took his shower, and he went to the kitchen for some coffee, he then opened his Twitter , ignored all the comments he didn’t read any . And then he typed 

 

“ Harry is stable now, thank you for caring, right now we need your prayers with us, Harry had a great grip to life and he needs your support”

 

He posted it without reading it again. He put his phone down and then he took a deep breath rubbing his temples , when would all this over? He really wanted to know, he wanted Harry back and safe again between his arms.

When the doorbell rang he knew it was Zayn. He opened the door and Zayn was standing there

 

“ I will be ready.. just give me five" Louis said moving inside.

He moved to the kitchen nd he took his Phone, keys and pack of cigarettes, but when he turned he saw Zayn was there leaning on the door frame.

Louis felt something was wrong. He asked worriedly 

“ is something wrong?”

Zayn shook his head and he moved inside and sat on the table, okay definitely something was wrong.  
Louis walked to Zayn and looked at him, Zayn put out a phone from his pocket and he put it on the table, when Louis looked at the phone, he knew it was Harry's.

“ I was returning the suit when I found it in his locker.. you know Harry never locks his locker"

Louis nodded and took it, Zayn “ I took I thought people are worried I mean everyone saw the news"

Louis nodded looking at it “ yeah.. thanks”

“ I put it on charger .. But sister was visiting us.. and her son played with it he accidentally opened his messages.. and I think there is something you need to see.. in his messages”

Louis looked confused “ what are you talking about?”

Zayn “ just take a look"

Louis felt anxious, he hastily opened Harry’s phone at the messages and then he saw an unknown number and he opened the message.

He saw the video and he opened it, and once the video started he gasped. He saw himself naked on a bed and above him was a lady also naked and they were fucking.

He didn’t remember anything at the start and then it hit him, that happened right after he won his award, and she was the lady he kissed and she was the lady he saw on the bed beside him. He really hoped that there was nothing happened, but right now he understood.  
Then he paniced , what was that video.doing here at Harry’s phone, and did Harry saw it before the accident, he checked the date and yes Harry saw it.

“ I knew there was something wrong Louis.. I know he was crying but I thought it was just about the photos”  
Zayn started .

Louis looked at Zayn eyes full of tears “ he saw it.. fuck he saw it and he thought I was cheating”

Zayn finally met his eyes “ what do you call this?”

Louis's eyes became wide “ do you think I was cheating.. I was drunk.. I don’t.. I don’t even remember anything.. fuck I don’t even know her"

Zayn nodded, Louis almost yelled “ you have to believe me"

Zayn yelled “ does it even matter now? I don’t have to believe you Louis.. because this.. this video... what you did to him is fucking unfair”

He left his seat “ how could you do this"

Louis shook his head violently biting hard on his lips

“ no.. I didn’t .. I didn’t cheat on him I love him"

“ it doesn’t matter"

“ stop saying this" Louis yelled leaving his seat too looking angrily at Zayn “ it matters..”

“ no..look at him, look what you did to him"

“ I didn t cheat. . I was drunk.. and lonely and he didn’t want to come with me"

“ he saw the video.. He saw it and then he lost his mind.. I can imagine how hurt he was , he wasn’t focusing that’s why he slipped.. it’s all your fault Louis.. if he didn’t make it then it’s your fault.. if he dies it’s all on you"

Louis froze at that, he didn’t move, did he just killed Harry? Zayn was right, Harry saw the video and what he saw hurt, drunk or not it still hurt the same.

“ you are so fucking selfish" Zayn said calmly now. “ it was all about you, you always wanted everything from him.. He dealt with awful things because of you, people judged him hard because of you.. you let them eat him alive last year while you pushed him to accept it watching him suffer day after day, but it was your dream , it was the tax of fame ,your words, but guess what it was your fame that he was paying for not his and now after all he had suffered because of you.. this is how you are repaying him?”

Louis was crying , he shook his head “ I didn’t cheat on him.. I didn’t”

Zayn nodded “ yeah.. God luck proving this to him"

Then he left Louis all alone in the kitchen. Louis sat on the table again crying hysterically because that was a lot, he loved Harry so much. He would never cheat on him, but right now Harry was dying , and he was believing that Louis did actually cheated on him.

 

Louis couldn’t leave his seat for the next hour, he herd the doorbell rang again and he was still on his chair, he didn’t move, he didn’t care.

 

“ what the hell is wrong?” 

Louis looked at Liam who was walking towards him, he was still crying , his head hurt, his eyes hurt.

“ Zayn said you couldn't come.. what happened? Are you sick?”

Louis just have him the phone, Liam looked at the video and he pressed play.

Louis cried while Liam was watching , when Liam finished the two minutes video , he put it down on the table, and he said 

“ when did this happened?”

Louis “ the night I won.. I was drunk"

“ who did this to you?”

Louis shook his head “ I don’t know.. I don’t care"

Liam “ then why are you this way?”

“ this is Harry's phone.. He saw it"

Liam closed his eye understanding, Louis cried “ he saw it Liam.. He thinks I cheated on him.. with a woman”

“ he didn’t say anything about it"

Louis shook.His head “ I was sleeping when he saw it and when I woke up he wasn't home then he.. fuck..He is dying now and he thinks I cheated on him" he sobbed

 

Liam frowned and he sat beside Louis “ he is not dying..” Louis covered his face with his hands , Liam put his hand on his shoulder “ he is not.. He will be okay.. and will wake up again you will tell h yourself that you didn’t cheat, that you were drunk and you would never do this to him”

“ what if he didn’t” Louis asked them he looked at Liam “ what if he didn’t.. what if never wakes up again? GOD what if he dies?"

 

Liam shook his head “ he is not dying.. I was just with Niall he told me the swelling was getting better.. He is getting better"

Louis wiped his tears “ he told you that?”

Liam nodded “ yes.. He said the swelling was improving...”

“ he is getting better?”

Liam nodded” yes.. you have to believe in this Louis”

Louis looked in front of him thinking “ then I will tell him the truth.. right? He will believe me, Harry always believed me"

Liam nodded “ yes he will, yes he does"

**** 

 

Liam took Louis to the hospital later that day, Louis and Zayn didn’t talk again and when Louis talked to Niall he understood that Zayn didn’t tell him anything.

He felt ashamed to tell Niall now, and be skipped that part, Liam was already taking care of this video and he always can rely on Liam, as long as Liam was there , everything would be okay.

He was about to get inside Harry’s room, when Niall stopped him 

“ there is someone inside..”

Louis frowned “ Zayn? I thought he left”

Niall “ not Zayn.. no.. His family"

Louis confused “ Harry doesn’t have a family.. oh fuck.. no"

Then the door was opened and a pretty lady with a short hair walked outside, she looked at him then she walked away ignoring, and no, Louis wouldn’t let this happen.

He followed her “ wait..” but she didn’t stop, he ran after her “ Gemma.. wait"

Finally she turned around “ what do you want?”

“ what are you doing here?”

She scoffed “ oh.. last I checked.. He is my brother”

“ oh last I checked.. you didn’t care., you told him he wasn't your brother and you were so embarrassed and what yes disappointed"

“ that was long time ago Louis..”

“ you never called him ever since.. and he tried.. he tried so fucking much “

“ things changed ..”

“ really?”

She said crying “ yes.. He is dying..”

Louis was taken back by her tears and words “ he is not dying”

She looked at him “ what did you do to my brother”

He frowned “ what.. nothing”

“ he tried to kill himself”

“ oh my god, I can’t believe you believed that shit”

“ you cheated...”

Louis closed him mouth, Gemma “ everdone saw the photos.. He saw them and he became sad he tried to end his life because of you"

“ not true.. you don’t know Harry”

She cried again “ and now I will never do"

Louis getting angry “ stop doing this.. He is alive"

“ how do you call this alive..” she shook.her head “ I told him.. I knew you were a bad news.. you turned him gay for God sake and then you cheated on him"

Okay that was it “ I didn't turn him into shit.. He was gay before I met him.. God why are we talking about this again.. you let him Gemma you didn’t want anything to do with him.. how do you think I believe you suddenly changed, you suddenly cared"

“ oh I care... I always care , he is my brother”

“ you never treated him as a brother, you never supported him"

She looked down and she said nothing, 

“ you don’t know how much you hurt him Gemma”

She nodded crying “ alright I hurt him, and I am sorry  
for this.. But you killed him and I will never forgive you for this”

Louis huffed in frustration “ he didn’t try to kill himself Gemma" but he wasn’t sure this time, he wasn’t sure if Harry really didn’t try to kill himself.

But she ignored him, she just left him crying .

Louis watched till she disappeared , then he returned back but he couldn’t enter the room, Niall was already there watching everything, he walked closer to him 

“ are you okay?”

Louis nodded and then he opened the door.

He sat beside Harry , Harry looked better , his face wasn’t that much swollen, his eyes looked better, the bruises looked better, still violet and blue but better.  
He cried again, and he held his hand

“ I didn’t do it hazza.. you gotta believe me, I swear to God"

He let the tears fall freely “ I love you, I always do.. I was drunk.. you have to wake up I have to tell you the truth"

He looked at Harry’s face “ open your eyes for me baby please, let me tell you the truth.. let me tell you everything.. “

He wiped his tears “ I lied .. I know.. But, damn it hazza.. did you do it? Did you try to kill yourself”

Then he sobbed harder, and he didn’t know what to do, he wanted Harry’s hug, he wanted to feel his heartbeats so he knew everything was okay, he needed to feel his warm , and his breaths , he wanted to heart his voice, he wanted Harry back.

 

Half an hour later, Louis left the room, but Niall was still there, he walked to him and again he asked 

“ are you okay?”

Louis shook his head this time, Niall “ okay , do you wanna talk about it, I have nothing to do"

 

Louis nodded, Niall smiled “ alright , let’s go"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is it so far. Do you wAnt Harry to wake up ?


	6. Chapter 6

Harry has transferred into a different room, bigger, with a beautiful view, a complete couch sets , a TV, small fridge, another small bed, a small closet, and a bathroom.

Harry looked much better, he lost his casts in his hands and legs, he lost the gauze around his head. The bruises had gone, he looked smaller, lighter,paler and some how his hair was shorter.

Beside him setting Louis on a large comfortable lazy boy chair, reading from a book loudly believing that Harry can hear.

It was night, and only soft light that was lightening the room from a tall lamb standing beside the bed.  
The door was opened slightly and Liam entered the room, 

“ you are back?” Louis asked surprised,

Liam walked towards Harry “ I told you it won’t take longer than two days ” then he sat beside Harry on the bed

“ any progress?”

Louis looked at Harry and shook his same “ he still the same..”

“ same on the scale?”

Louis looked at him “ he is better than three months ago.. But it’s still low"

Liam smiled " what happened to.his hair?"

Louis sighed " I did it"

Liam Chuckled " he will kill you"

Louis lied wide " tell me how was it?”

Liam looked at Louis and sighed “ it’s complicated”

Then the door was opened again and both Niall wearing his scrub, and Zayn entered the room.

When Zayn saw Liam “ you are back?”

Liam “ I am.. what are you doing here ?” he asked wondering looking at his watch.

Zayn walked and looked at Harry “ just ended my shift.. I was on my way to home. Said I would check him"

Niall checking his vitals “ he is good and stable..”

Louis stood up “ I will leave you alone"

Louis said and he walked outside.

Niall looked at Louis leaving and then at Zayn , but he said nothing, Zayn moved and sat at Louis's place.  
Liam was the one who talked 

“ will you be like this forever?”

Zayn took a deep angry breath “ Liam?”

Liam left the bed “ okay.. Okay, I am gonna talk to him anyway.. see you tomorrow”

They nodded and liam left the room looking for Louis, he saw him few steps away on the phone, when.He got closer he knew he was talking to Lottie his sister.

He waited until Louis hanged up and then he walked to him “ can we talk?”

Louis looked at him frowning “ we are talking?”

Liam “ no I mean like an actual talk, without you losing it on me"

Louis puffed “ I am not working now Liam"

“ yes you are Louis unfortunately you have to"

Louis was leaving “ no I don’t”

Liam snapped at him “ can you please wait and listen” 

Louis stopped and Liam walked to him he faced him 

“ your money account won’t support you forever..”

Louis shook his head and then he didn’t talk, Liam continued “ you have lots of bills everywhere, the house you bought at Los Angeles you are still paying for it, .. the two new cars you bought four months ago.. let’s not forget the house in Malibo.. and here on London.. the..”

“ Liam I know what I have..”

“ I don’t think you do... I know how it hurts and I know you can’t leave him, but everyone here got his life back.. everyone goes to his work so they can earn their money so they can afford living "

“ what are you talking about, you want me to leave him and go to New York.. it’s New York Liam, every one works few minutes away from him.. and they are not his finace..”

“ you don’t Have money Louis you are broke"

Louis was shocked at the start then he said “ no I am not"

Liam sighed “ you are.. you just cancelled the two shows you signed for here in london.. . you paid lots of Money for the contract you cancelled, don’t forget about Harry's bills since you transferred him here to.this see at.. Do you know how much they take daily from your account”

Louis looked down, Liam “ you don’t Have money to put for the next month Louis"

“ I will sell anything..”

“ and then what?”

“ I can’t leave him Liam.. why can’t you get it"

Liam huffed in frustration, Louis “ I will sell anything..”

“ this is not the answer Louis.. you need to get back to your life, to your job.. it’s your job"

“ I can’t..”

“ Markus called me again this morning..” liam said sighing 

Louis shook his head in Frustration “ I told him I am not doing it"

Liam “ he started the movie.. He still needs you.. He took the shots you are not in it, he is waiting for you"

“ why? I said I won’t”

“ he believes in you Louis that’s why.. it would take only three months.. if he is wakes up .. if anything happened I will book you a ticket to be here as fast as you can"

Louis closed his eyes “ I am not leaving him"

And then he was walking away again, Liam said “ just three months Louis.. think about it"

Louis heard Liam but he walked away from him.

Louis entered Harry’s room again, Zayn was still here and Louis knew Zayn wanted some time alone with Harry, ever since their last fight and somehow they came into an undiscussed agreement that they won’t be in the same room anymore. Every time Zayn showed to visit Harry at the evening, Louis would leave them all alone. And vice versa.

Zayn looked at Louis who sat at the farthest couch ,  
“ you okay there?” he asked 

Louis nodded “ yeah.. sorry consider me not here" he answered but he was still nervous and breathing fast.

Zayn frowned, he left the seat beside Harry and he moved to sit beside Louis. When he saw how Louis looked 

“ okay what happened?” zany asked worried.

Louis shook his head “ nothing happened”

Zayn raised his brow “ are you sure?”

Louis snapped “ yes Zayn I am sure, now will you please leave me and my fiance alone"

Zayn was shocked at the start, but he shrugged and then he left Louis to sit back beside Harry .

Louis looked at him and then he lost his mind, he left his seat and rushed towards Zayn “ what the hell are you doing?”

Zayn looked t angry Louis standing beside him “ what does it look Iike?”

Louis “ fuck of Zayn.. don’t start with me now"

Zayn sighed “ what did I do now?”

“ why are you here?”

“ what kind of question is that"

Louis sighed in frustration “ would you please just go..”

Zayn looked at him and then he took a deep breath and stood up 

“ I am leaving ... you need to talk to someone”

“ yeah thank you"

Zayn became angry “ what is your problem I am trying to be nice here"

“ I don’t care what you are trying to be Zayn I don’t fucking care now would you please leave me with Harry alone"

Zayn shook his head in disbelief “ you will never change you twat" he was leaving

“ what the hell does it mean?”

Zayn sighed “ nothing Louis .. I am leaving, and oh can you ask your paparazzi to stop following you here.. they are making it hard even for us to step outside the hospital”

Louis “ well you can’t complain then.. I am making you something. I am sure you are Happy with this attention"

Zayn stopped , he looked at Louis “ what was that? What did you say?”

Louis sighed , Zayn “ you are unbelievable Louis”

Then he left the room, Louis wanted to scream, he wanted to yell and fight with someone, to break some stuff.

He sat beside Harry “ wake-up Harry.. you have to wake up now , that’s enough.. I can’t"

Then he stopped talking, he put his hands on his face and he cried, he actually sobbed. He knew he had to work.again, he had to start that movie but he also knew he just couldn’t leave Harry alone.

The door was opened again, and this time it was only Niall with his regular clothes , he saw Louis crying and he walked and sat in front of him on Harry’s bed.

Louis looked at him “ I am okay"

Niall shook his head “ no you are not”

Louis didn’t talk, he wiped his tears with his fingers and he avoided looking at him.

“ liam told me about the movie"

Louis sighed “ and what do you think?”

Niall shrugged, he looked at Harry “ you have to restart you life again at some point"

Louis looked at him mouth opened, Niall looked back at Louis, he shook his head “ he is not coming back my time soon Louis.. I am not gonna lie to you but ..”

Louis “ you said he is stable "

Niall nodded “ he is. But he is not getting any better.. He is just the same.. it’s not a good or bad sign"

Louis closed his eyes “ I can’t leave him, not after what he believed in me, I want to be there when he wake up, I want to tell him the truth"

Niall nodded “ and you will, when he Wakes up.. which is not any time soon Louis"

Louis frowned “ you want me to leave him!!"

“ I want you to get yourself together again, I need you to start living"

Louis' eyes were full of tears “ living? How?” then he looked at Harry “ he is all I have... He is my life"

Niall sucked his lips “ it has been more than three months Louis.. you are losing your life here..you are not doing him any favour, you are not doing your self any favour, you are not helping in anything”

Louis closed his eyes letting the tears fall down, Niall “ I will be here.. Everyday , and every night.. I will always watch him"

“ I can’t”

Niall “ you have to try"

“ leaving him makes everything different”

“ how?”

“ it makes it true.. I am coming here every day pretending he is listening, he just sleeping and he will wake up , leaving him means it’s really happening, he is not coming back"

Niall put his hand on Louis knew “ no one said he is not coming back.. I am his doctor.. we will just have to wait...”

Louis said “ I am scared"

Niall nodded “ I know.. But you need to watch over yourself, Louis you deserve to watch over yourself.. and when he comes back you will be here for him.. you will be here to tell him whatever you want to"

Louis cried “ it hurts..”

“ I know.. But you need it now.. trust me you do"

Louis looked at him “ you will be here?”

Niall nodded “ everyday and every night.. you can call me when ever you need"

Louis looked at Harry and he felt it was the right thing to be done now, leaving didn’t mean losing hope, didn’t men giving up, it just meant living. Louis was losing his mind here sitting waiting, maybe when he distract himself time would really fly, maybe he would gain some reason back in his mind. 

Niall left Louis, and Louis took a moment before calling Liam, asking him to book a ticket to USA. He decided it was the right thing and he really want to believe in that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope.you like it .


	7. Chapter 7

Louis was sitting beside Harry on the bed, Harry was still lying in his coma, and Louis looked so sad and he was crying.

“ I have to do this Hazza... I am so sorry” he wiped his tears “ but I have to.. please , please be okay.. I am waiting Harry I never give up, this doesn’t mean that I gave up.. please”

He took a deep breath and kissed Harry's hand “ do you remember when we were younger.. When you fell down nd hit your head and then fainted, I remember I cried beside you and was scared to talk to you after..” he then smiled “ you promised me that night that you will never scare me like this again.. you are breaking your promise Harry , I am scared .. you are scaring me.. I need you Harry please.. just please” he cried on Harry’s hand,

He tugged Harry’s short curl behind his ear , and he tried to smile behind his tears “ God I miss you Harry, I miss you so much.. I never ever thought that one day I will talk to you and you will not respond, you always respond Harry, even when we are angry at each other"

 

He wiped his tears “ I will call Niall baby day and night, I will check on you... and I will come to see you whenever I can.. I still don’t know how to do it without you Harry.. you didn’t even read the script this time.. “

His tears were falling freely on his cheeks “ I promise you that I will be okay baby.. But you must be okay too.. I am waiting Harry .. I will always wait for you baby"

Then Louis's phone rang, he knew who was calling, Liam was calling him, they were already late for the plane.

Louis took a deep breath, he knew he should leave now , he leant forward and he kissed Harry on his cheeks and forehead “ I will always wait for you" he whispered beside Harry’s ear.

And then he. Stood up still holding Harry’s hand, and while letting Harry’s hand he felt his heart shattered into million pieces.

Outside was Niall waiting for him, Louis begged him to watch over Harry and Ni all promised him that everything would be under control. He expected to see Zayn but he knew Zayn was still angry from the last time they met, and he was more angry when he knew Louis was leaving Harry. 

When he was leaving the hospital, the Paparazzi followed him with questions , some how they knew he was traveling , they knew he was leaving Harry, and they tortured him with asking how it felt to leave Harry alone. Louis didn't want to cry, he tried to hold back his tears , but once he got into the car with Liam he let the tears fall, he cried hard and Liam tried to make it easier for him, he cuddled him and Louis cried in his lap.

Louis didn’t stop crying at the airport, he didn’t stop crying at the plane, his fans were following him everywhere , they some how respected his sadness, they didn’t try to take photos, they didn’t bother him with questions, they just smiled at his face, 

At the plane, he was sitting beside Liam, then some one came and wanted to have a photo, Liam apologized for the man and told him Louis wasn’t really feeling okay, the man accepted the apology he hand shook the both men and he wished Harry to get well soon, he was the first one who really asked about Harry and Louis really appreciated the support.

Louis slept the whole flight, Liam actually let him, they already had lots of works to do the minute they arrive.  
When the plane landed , and they were out of the airport paparazzi came back to follow, they knew about the movie, about the actress in the movie and they were asking if he already broke up with Harry.

Louis tried to shut his ears, he didn’t say a word until they arrived the hotel, he didn’t want to deal with anyone so Liam was the one who was talking.

He took Louis to his suite , he put his bags in its place, and Louis moved to take a long shower immediately without saying a word. Louis was still crying during his shower and it felt like it was just yesterday when Harry fell and hurt himself not four months ago.

When Louis left the bathroom one hour later, he was surprised to see Liam still in the room.

Liam was in the couch in front of the tv , Louis walked to him shocked 

“ what are you doing here?”

Liam looked at him “ waiting for you" he said it casually.

Louis sighed and sat beside him “ okay why?”

Liam “ you are having the dinner with the crew in two hours.. I am here to make sure you will be there”

Louis looked at Liam “ I will be there Liam.. that’s why I am here..”

Liam nodded “ have you read the script”

Louis took a deep breath “ of course I did..”

Liam “ do you like it?”

Louis frowned “ I am already here"

Liam stayed silent for a minute then he said “ we never talked about it.. I mean I know it always was Harry’s rule to have the big talk about the movie and script and the female actresses..."

Louis nodded, Liam “ but I am here if you needed anything”

Louis smiled and then he patted Liam knee “ I know... trust me I do"

Liam smiled too, then Louis said “ he will be crazy when he knows about the female actress”

Liam nodded excitedly “ yeah me too can’t wait to meet her"

Louis nodded “ yeah.. she is a good lady"

Liam frowned “ are you Kidding me, Selena Gomez is the best"

Louis nodded still smiling “ yeah.. yeah I know you are a bid fan since last time” then Louis stopped talking, 

Harry also loved Selena he loved her songs, her tv shows, he loved everything about her. Louis and Selena met two years ago at some charity event, and Harry activated his fan girl code and asked Louis everything about the meeting, Louis promised him next time he would take him and to his surprise Harry approved.

“ are you okay with this?” Liam asked softly.

Louis looked at him and then he smiled “ I don’t know.. I mean I wish. But I can’t stop myself from crying”

Liam nodded “ yeah.. I know.. I am here if you needed a talk"

Louis smiled “ there is nothing to say Liam.. I just want him back again"

“ yeah.. I know"

Louis took a deep breath “ it’s a sad movie”

Liam looked at him, Louis continued “ about a man who lost his wife and then he meets the new one who sparkle the love back in his eyes"

Liam bit his lip “ auch..”

Louis nodded “ yeah.. But the good part is.. I will cry easily in this one..”

Liam smiled “ I wish you the whole good luck"

Louis stood up “ yeah.. me too, go to your room Liam.. you need some rest"

Then he moved back to his bedroom.

 

***** 

Louis was sitting on the table, with the director, the co actor who happened to be an old friend, Selena Gomez, and some other men.

The director introduced Louis to them, of course they all knew him and they all congratulated him for his last win. It seemed really funny to him, he always considered that award was a curse to him. So hearing people congratulating him really made him want to laugh loud.

He talked to Selena and they immediately clicked, she was a nice person with a warm heart, Louis loved her at once and he knew working with her would be easy and comfortable.

The director told him he would start tomorrow morning, they will take a few shots where he would be alone, and then the last one Selena would be there.  
Louis came back to his suite he called Niall, then he started to study for the tomorrow lines, He had no problem with the first few shots, actually they were pretty easy, he wouldn’t say a word. It was the shot with Selena that was hard.

It was the part where he tell her how it felt to lose his wife , when Louis read the lines his heart really twisted but he gathered himself back and he memorized his lines and he felt he was ready.

He wasn’t.

 

The next morning the first few shots went smoothly with no problems. He felt happy doing those shots it kept his mind away from thinking.

When it come to the shot where Selena was there , talking together about his feelings when he lost his wife. At the rehearsals Louis was okay, he and Selena looked like they knew what they were doing, like they were acting together since they were children, but on camera Louis didn’t know what exactly happened, maybe the cameras made him remember, maybe the lights, he didn’t know but he couldn’t speak, he stuttered at the first three shots, and then at the fourth he realized he couldn’t do it, he looked at Tue director and he apologized , he asked to continue tomorrow and the director approved, Selena didn’t look happy with that, but Louis couldn’t say anything, he held his tears back as long as he could, he excused and he left the location .

 

Louis wanted to disappear, he wanted to vanish , he was crying like a baby, and it made his heart hurt. He didn’t answer Liam when he called, he texted him promising that everything would be okay tomorrow, he just wanted see sleep and eventually he would be okay, he hoped.

He called Niall and be prayed for some good news 

“ Niall .. hello"

Niall answered “ okay. And you?”

Louis started to feel worry “ is everything okay?”

“ everything is fine now"

“ now?” he panicked “ what happened?”

“ shit.. I thought you know"

Okay he started to shake now “ tell me what happened?”

Niall sighed “ we don’t know what exactly happened Louis.. But he is okay now"

“ Niall..” Louis groaned 

“ okay.. He.. His heart stopped” Niall finally said

And the world stopped, Louis forgot how to breath, he just froze , the tears ran back again and he was shaking .

“ are you with Me? LOUIS? Are you there mate, don’t panic , I swear to God he is okay now, not really okay I mean he is still in his coma but he is fine, his heart is beating, he is breathing.. He is fine"

Louis didn’t talk, Niall “ Louis.. please say something”

“ when?” he whispered

Niall sighed “ like two hours ago “

And it hurt, it was when Louis couldn’t talk, when he broke down, his heart felt there was something wrong, he felt it but he didn’t know what was happening. And now he felt the pain again

“ I should come" he said

“ no.. trust me Louis.. I promise he is okay.. listen if it happens again then I will call you and ask you to come.. But right now keep yourself together.. “

“ how"

He heard Niall sighing through the phone “ hold on”

Then he heard some shuffles, some noises, then “ I sent you his pic.. He is okay Louis.. I promise”

Louis nodded “ okay.. I have to go now”

He ended the call, and he opened the picture Ni all took it, Harry was on the bed the same like last he saw him, nothing looked different and he saw the rest of Zayn's body on the chair that Louis used to sit on it, and it hurt so much, he was supposed to be the one for this. He was supposed to be the man sitting by Harry not Zayn, not anyone.

Louis couldn’t stay in the room any longer, he needed some distractions, he needed to breathe.

He jumped up from his bed and he dressed and went down to the bar. He will drown himself in alcohol, alcohol was always the solution.

At his second glass, he heard someone Said 

“ so here you are?” it was a woman voice.

When Louis looked behind him, he saw Selena standing there frowning.

She walked and sat beside him “ everyone is looking for you"

He tried to smile “ I am here"

She nodded, but she didn’t miss the remaining of the tears in his eyes, so she smiled “ can i join you?”

No, but he smiled “ of course”

She raised her hand to the bartender and ordered her drink, then she looked at him “ I think you own me an apology”

He looked at her confused , she smiled “ what happened there.. I thought we were doing okay.. actually we were doing perfect.. so what happened?”

Louis sighed “ I am sorry”

She took her drink from the bartender “ if I hadn’t seen your movie.. I would say winning the globe was unfair”  
He smiled but said nothing, she smiled “ I am kidding.. you deserve it"

“ thanks .. I guess" he said ordering his third glass.

She looked at him “ tough night?”

He knew what was she trying to do, she was nice, he knew but he really didn’t need her right now.

He didn’t look at her “ I will be okay tomorrow I promise, this won’t happen again"

She frowned “ hay.. easy on yourself here, it’s okay to break down from time to time.. it’s actually healthy”

He nodded and looked at her “ thanks for understanding"

She smiled “ yeah.. you can count on me" she smiled, she then took a sip “ so.. what line that made you break? Or the whole story"

Louis almost laughed “ yeah .. yeah something like this"

“ I am listening”

“ it reminded me of someone”

She raised her brow “ someone? An ex?”

“ hope not.. “ he then looked at her “ you know nothing about me , don’t you?”

She was confused “ should I know something? Are you married? Oh my God are you a widow?”

He laughed now “ God.. you don’t know me at all"

She raised her finger to stop him, she put out her phone from her pocket, and Louis sighed “ oh God” and finished his drink.

Two minutes later “ okay.. you are twenty six.. that’s I know.. you just won an award.. also I know.. you are gay?” she looked at him “ you are gay..”

Then she looked at her phone again “ wow.. a good looking man..” then she stopped taking. Few seconds later She put the phone in front of her

“ God.. I am so stupid..I am so sorry”

Louis looked at her “ it’s okay.. it’s not your fault.. you didn’t do your homework studying your co workers”

She smiled “ it’s stupid.. I mean.. I love to form my own opinion”

Louis opened his mouth to speak but he couldn’t, that was Harry’s exact words.

“ so how is he?” she asked softly.

He shrugged “ I don’t know.. not good today.. and I am fighting the idea of leaving everything behind and go back to him"

“ you signed the contract"

“ I know.. and I am also almost broke so I can’t.. But it’s sucks.. it’s.. yeah it’s sucks" he was getting angry.

She held his hand “ calm down.. losing your shit helps no one"

He looked at her hand on his, and then at her, she smiled at him “ I am here.. I will support you, let’s end this movie as fast as we can.. we can make it in no time so you can go back to...”

“ Harry”

She nodded “ yeah.. Harry.. I love him already”

He laughed “ if that’s makes you better he is a huge fan"

She smiled “ awww.. I want to meet him"

Louis nodded “ yeah.. you will definitely, I promised him one day before..” he closed his eyes “ I Just want him to be okay"

She tighten her grip on his hand “ he will be fine.. I feel so"

Louis again looked at her hand and then at her and he nodded. He wanted to feel like her too, he wanted to feel that harry will be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So continue?...


	8. Chapter 8

The next days , Louis was much better, he was trying his best and Selena was a great support, She helped him through the rehearsals, and on the camera, they were spending hours together in on of the rooms, studying and rehearsing over and over again. 

Louis was getting to the point where he stopped thinking of Harry in every moment, he was still thinking of him but it was only on the bed before sleeping,  
He was still calling Niall every night, and Niall was giving him a full report about Harry, still the same, still stable, still in coma.

Three weeks later, the movie was moving too fast, but also so great.

Louis was nervous like hell, he was waiting for Selena in his suite and they were supposed to act a scene where they had their first kiss. It’s not like he never did it before, he kissed lots of beautiful ladies before in the movies, but somehow he felt there was something wrong kissing Selena, specifically Selena.

Kissing Selena made it sound like cheating on Harry, the feeling itself made Louis furious , he is not dump he knew what did it mean, he was having feelings for Selena and he hated himself for that. He didn’t know when or how, but he was sure .

The door knocked, and he moved to open the door, Selena was there but she wasn’t looking good.  
He let her in worriedly 

“ are you okay? Are you sick?”

She moved and sat on the nearby couch and then she cried, he didn’t expect that at all. 

He looked at her and then be walked to sit beside her 

“ what is wrong with you?”

She wiped her tears “ I am sorry”

Louis nodded still waiting , she cried again “ they are driving me crazy.. why they are so mean like this?”

Louis frowned “ we are talking about?”

“ everyone..”

Okay now he understood, it was something with the media.

“ what happened?” he asked softly.

She shook her head “ do you know that I was in a relationship before this movie?”

Louis slowly shock his head saying sorry, she nodded 

“ I was.. and it was over three months ago.. now he is engaged and they are trying to tease me to get any comment about it, I don’t care but they want me to care they want me to be angry and to be jealous and they trying to get the worst out of me..”

He really felt sorry for her, he put his hand on his knee, and she continued “ I was buying some clothes .. and when I was leaving they mobbed me and they started to push me and ask me questions.. they insulted me.. I panicked"

He looked at her hands and they were shaking, immediately he hugged her 

“ it’s okay.. they are all gone now.. don’t worry .. you are okay now"

She cried on his shoulder “ I hate it , I hate it so much me I hate him"

Louis nodded “ it’s okay..” and no he couldn’t take it anymore, how could he while the one he was trying to hold bad his feelings from, was crying on his shoulder.  
She looked at him, face really close “ I am sorry”

She was looking at his eyes, and he was looking at her lips, she said “ I am so sorry”

Then it happened , he put his lips on hers and he kissed her, long, soft , lovely.

When they pulled back, they looked at each other , she was the one who talked first 

“ is this okay?”

And he noticed that she kissed back, she kissed him back.

He looked at her still couldn’t find the right words, he was shocked , but she smiled “ it’s okay if you don’t..”

“ no..” he stopped her. She stopped talking looking at him with lust, he knew this look very much.

He swallowed hard “ I... I.. I don’t know what I am doing"

She bit her lips and she looked down, he moved all his body so he is facing her

“ I know what kind of feelings I have for “ Then he looked at his finger “ but I have someone.. I know he is not there.. But.. “ he then put his hands on his face “ I don’t know what I am doing"

 

She looked at him “let’s not do anything... just we both need this, we need to feel something, right?He looked at her and he nodded, because that was right, he needed to feel something. 

Louis closed his eyes to calm himself when he felt Selena's lips on his.

 

They kissed, and kissed and kissed, they kissed like they always were kissing each other, and when they kissed on the camera it felt real and it felt amazing too.  
Louis felt that everything was moving fast, they started with kissing and now a month later they were in bed together ,

*****

Louis wake up this morning very early, he had a dream, and he wake up crying, he dreamt of Harry was talking and dancing with him . It felt too real that he cried when he wake up, he didn’t want to disturb Selena so he took his Phone and then walked to the bathroom and he locked the door behind him.

He checked his Phone and he found that he had a text from Niall, he opened it 

“ where are you ? Haven’t heard from you since two weeks , I know everything is okay with you , call me"

 

Louis huffed, he put the phone in his pocket. He wasn’t calling Niall, he felt ashamed of why he was doing, he officially was cheating on his fiance, and he had no power to stop it, he enjoyed the feeling, he enjoyed the caring . He was falling in love with Selena which was scary.

He washed his face and when he rubbed his face with his hand, he froze, he looked at his hands and it was missing, he lost Harry’s ring. He panicked.

He rushed out side , and he ran to the room didn’t care about the sleeping Selena, he opened every drawer and was searching hysterically, cause no, that meant something, that meant something big in his heart, he forgot about Harry, he stopped asking about h in, he stopped thinking of him before he slept because someone else took his place. Louis was searching for the ring crying 

“ what is going on?” Selena asked sitting in the bed , she was looking at him confused.

He didn’t look at her, he rushed to his bag and he poured all its contents on the ground still looking hysterically.

He cried hard and he started to wheeze, he couldn’t breath and he knew it was one of his panic attacks. Selena ran to his side , she tried to calm him down , but it was all in vain. He couldn’t breath, he couldn’t focus. Then he fainted.

 

****** 

 

When he opened his eyes, he was alone in his room, it was dark, then it hit him, he sighed in frustration when he remembered.

“ are you okay in there?” Liam asked sitting beside him reading a book.

Louis looked at him he shook his head in frustration “ what happened?”

Liam “ you tell me.. I got a Phone call early in the morning , Selena telling me you obviously panicked and fainted”

Louis sat on the bed “ I lost it"

Liam sat beside him on the bed “ That’s exactly what we told me you were saying before you have up"

Louis nodded , he can barely remember “ I lost the ring"

Liam confused “ Harry's ring?”

Louis nodded looking down, Liam sighed “ is that why you freaked out?”

He nodded , Liam shook his head “ it just a ring Louis.. you can buy another one"

Louis shook his head “ I can’t.. Harry bought it for me"

Liam didn’t talk at the start then “ what was Selena doing at your room Early ?”

Louis sighed and didn’t talk, Liam “ there is photos of you and her.. Kissing last night”

Nothing. Louis felt the tears filled his eyes gain

“ what the hell is going on"

Louis lost it “ what do you want me to say Liam? Yes it is true.. there is something going on, yes I am cheating on him again, I stopped talking to Niall... I stopped thinking about his pain .. and finally I lost it.. I lost his ring" then he sobbed.

Liam was watching Louis yelling and losing his mind “ since when?”

“ about a month"

Liam nodded “ why?”

Louis looked at him “ I don’t know why.. I think I needed something to fill the hole in my heart.. I need to feel something Liam”

Liam nodded “ you are doing it again Louis.. this time you are sober”

Louis looked down, Liam “ does it even mean anything to you?”

Louis didn’t answer that, he didn’t know, or he did but he didn’t want to say it loud.

The doorbell rang, and Liam sighed leaving Louis on the bed, when Liam opened the door he heard Selena’s voice and he closed his eyes, he as fucked up, between two loves, he had to choose and it ha d to be sooner before it was too late.  
He had to choose .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, sorry.
> 
> But I need to know do you like it guys or what, I am not having the feedback that I want and it's disappointing me.
> 
> Hope you are enjoying and I wish you all the best


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading 
> 
> English is not my first language

“Louis Tomlinson cheats again “

“ did Louis Tomlinson just abandoned his sleeping fiancé"

“what is going on between Selena Gomez and Louis Tomlinson”

“ really Tomlinson? Leaving the hero “

“ Selena hits hard this time”

 

Louis didn’t sleep, he read every headline, every article about his affair with Selena. They were being careful so how did this slipped it was so irritating.

Louis knew he had to face the media , his friends and family , and most important himself . He was officially cheating on Harry, Harry the new hero back there in London, Harry who knew about the drunken sex Louis had before his accident which was a main reason for his state right now. Louis wanted to die right now , he wanted to disappear. 

If you asked Louis if he was still in love with Harry he wouldn't know how to answer this, deep, deep inside he knew he wasn’t feeling the same and that was even before the accident, but now Louis almost knew that his feelings had changed, it wasn’t like he stopped loving Harry, he was still , but in different way. 

Someone else was in Harry’s place in Louis' heart, and Louis wanted to protect that one, he wanted to protect Selena.

 

When Louis went to take his daily breakfast with Liam , the minute he saw Liam was the minute he knew Liam was sad and perhaps angry.

He sat beside him knowing that Liam had seen him coming towards him and yet he ignored him.  
Louis took a sip from his tea and then he looked at Liam 

“ I know you are angry, I understand you try to cover for me but"

Liam interrupted him “ I am not”

Louis looked at him, he then sighed “ I know what they are trying to make you say about me, they are portraying me as the cheater who abandoned his hero fiancé”

Liam looked at him “ you are"

“ what?!”

Liam Chuckled “ what do you call this affair Louis? What do you call this?”

Louis sighed in frustration “ he is in coma"

Liam shook his head in disbelief “ oh my God, you actually act as if it was okay. You are using his coma as an excuse?"

Louis lost it , he hit his fist hard on the table “ God Liam, I knew it"

“ knew what?”

“ you will take his side"

Liam was shocked “ his side? Are you serious ? Is this how it will be now? I thought you are at the same side Louis”

Louis stopped talking, Liam looked at him “ how could you let this happen Louis?”

Louis didn’t talk, Liam “ last week you panicked when you knew you lost his ring and now you act as If it was your right to cheat on him , you act like you are not doing anything wrong”

“ I am not doing anything wrong Liam”, he didn't even believe himself 

“ you are cheating”

“ he is not even here"

Liam shocked again “ what does it even means?”

Louis snapped “ it means the truth, he is not coming back Liam it’s over, I lost him , the minute he fell from that building I lost him" he chuckled “ who are we Kidding? , it has been five months and nothing changed, nothing !, not a single thing, his heart stopped twice , his brain activity is below five. What do you expect me to do? Sit there and pray for his recovery, you were the one who convinced me to come here from the start”

Liam shook his head violently “ no, no , you aren’t doing it, are you blaming me for this? I asked you to come here for work Louis not for shagging your co star"

Louis huffed “ what do you want now?"

Liam looked at him for a long moment, then he looked in front “ I won’t do this anymore”

Louis looked at him confused, Liam shook his head “ I won’t do this to Harry, I just Can’t”

“ what are you talking about?” Louis asked. But Liam stood up “ I quit”

Louis opened his mouth to answer but Liam didn’t give him anytime to respond, he already made his decision, and there was nothing Louis was going to say would fix that.

****** 

“ you are saying it wrong again" Selena said angry at Louis.

Both of them were holding the scripts doing the rehearsals in Louis's room, Louis was still trapped with the moment that Liam told him he was leaving, he couldn’t believe that Liam could actually leave him.  
But Liam did, two hours ago. He came and he said goodbye . Louis wanted to beg him not to leave him, but Liam was clear it Harry or Selena for Liam , and at that moment Louis couldn’t actually pick. 

“ I am sorry, so sorry, I will be better . Let’s do it again"

Selena closed her script and put it in front of her on the table . She looked at Louis “ what is it?”

Louis took a deep breath “ Liam left"

Selena was confused “ left as going to London for couple of days"

Louis shook his head “ left as went to London forever"

“ but why?”

Louis didn’t talk, Selena nodded “ because of us? Because of what the media was saying about us?”

Louis shrugged “ maybe"

Selena shook her head in disappointed “ I don’t know why he hates me, I thought he loved me"

Louis looked at her “ he doesn’t hate you, he just loves Harry more"

She nodded “ yes, I understand , but this wasn’t working, did he want you to just wait for Harry?”

Louis nodded “ he is his friend Selena. I know he would pick him, he believes he will wake up one-day”

“ and you?”

He looked at her nervously “ I am what?”

“ do you believe he will wake up?”

Louis but his lower lip, then he slowly shook his head 

“ no, I don’t think He will, I don’t believe he will”

Selena “ what if he does? Will you just leave me and run back to him"

Louis huffed and left his seat “ he is not coming back Selena, he is not"

Selena looked at him and refused to say anything else. Louis also didn’t talk, he wanted to skip this question, he didn’t know what would happen if Harry come back again. He didn’t want to think about it, he gave himself a big hope for the last few months and all hopes crashed, so right now he wanted to stop thinking about Harry.

 

Selena and Louis finished the rehearsals, and Selena had to go back to her room, she felt how Louis was already tensed and she didn’t want utopian him harder. She left him and they would meet next morning.

***** 

His phone rang, and he answered it Immediately without concentrate ,he thought it was Selena she always called him before she sleeps. After what the media said about them and they started to sleep in different rooms, just for now they said.

“ hello"

“ tell me it’s not true" it was Niall and he was yelling.

Louis was surprised at the start, but then he sighed 

“ hello Niall”

“ you are not doing it, right? You are not abandoning him. Louis please tell me it’s not true"

Louis sighed “ I don’t know how to do it anymore"

Niall yelled “ Louis William Tomlinson, it’s Harry we are talking about"

Louis closed his eyes “ he is in coma, he is not here anymore Niall, it has been five months”

“ he would wait for you, even if it was five years, no even if it was fifteen years you filthy coward"

Louis bit his lower lip, he knew it was true , but he wasn’t Harry “ I am not him Niall"

He heard Niall chuckled at the other line “ yeah, good for you . So now what? Are you breaking up with him”

“ he is not even here Niall to break up with him”

Niall yelled again “ he is alive Louis.. He is still alive"

Louis took a deep breath , he wanted to end this call“  
okay, yes Naill I am “

Niall stopped talking, then he said “ when he wakes up and asks about you, I will make sure to tell him the truth Louis, the whole truth”

Louis smiled with tears in his eyes “ yes , that if he was still remembers me"

Niall sniffed then he said “ bye louis"

Louis looked at his phone, his heart was beating loud in his chest, he was hyperventilating and tears were running down his face. Suddenly he threw his Phone hard on the wall and he sat it breaking into pieces, he felt he had enough, everything was too much. He had to put an end. The misery and the pin he has been living through all those past months should come to an end. And this way how he ended. He ended everything with Harry, there was no more Harry and Louis. Harry was barely alive and he couldn’t stand the idea of a Phone call telling him to come back to London so he can bury his first love. No he would save himself all this. He ended everything.

Everything.

 

*******  
Eight months later,

Louis was walking alone heading to the airport, once he left the place he used to live in, tens of reports ran to him, tens of camera flashes , 

“ Louis, Louis look at US, how are you doing"

“ are you okay Louis?”

“ where are you going? Coming back to London"

“ what did you do to Selena so she broke up with you two weeks from your wedding”

“ Louis , did you try to kill yourself”

He finally got inside the car and his driver drove too fast, he rested his head on the window trying to take a deep breath, those last few weeks were like hell to Louis. He couldn’t handle New York anymore, so he gave himself an open vacation.

He had done very well in his career, the last movie was amazing, it was number one in the cinemas for two following months, it made a lot of unexpected profits. Everyone said the true love story between Selena and Louis was the reason for that success. The true love story that just ended last week, when Selena finally told Louis she couldn’t do it anymore, and they must break up two weeks before their wedding. He didn’t blame her actually, because even if he was living his brightness days in his career he was always depressed, and when his depression was too much he did something stupid, Selena found out and she felt it was too much for her to handle so she broke up . Louis didn’t talk to press ever since, while Selena gave a status to the media saying that Louis was a great guy but she felt like she was speeding things up and she didn’t want to hurt him. As if this didn’t hurt.

Louis couldn’t stand the pressure anymore, the questions, the reporters stalking , the invasion of his privacy made him reach his limit. So he decide to book a ticket, and go back home.

He wasn’t sure he was even welcomed back home, he hadn’t talk to anyone of his friend ever since he broke up with Harry, he didn’t hear from them, he didn’t care. So coming back home was refreshing his memory, he knew he would meet his friends again , his family, people they loved him for real. He knew he wasn’t the perfect friend or brother lately, he was running from their phone calls , and when he was in hospital he didn’t answer anyone calls, Liam tried to call him but Louis couldn’t answer him.

Louis didn’t know if coming back would actually help him or not, but all he knew he needed this, he needed his friends and family again in his life . He needed to feel safe again.

When Louis’s plane landed , his heart wrenched . He didn’t visit London since he left Harry that day. Harry.  
He didn’t know anything about Harry, he didn’t known if he died, woke up, the same. He didn’t know and he was scared to eventual. 

At the airport , his sisters were waiting for him, all of. Them, even the young twins. Everyone gave him a warm touchy hug. He saw tears in their eyes and he knew the reason why.

To his surprise, the Paparazzi were fewer than expected, Lottie said she gave them false information and it worked. Few questions asked about the last minute cancelled wedding, about Selena. Louis didn’t answer anything so as his sisters.

When they finally arrived home, they left Louis to take his shower and they waited for him for the dinner. They were treating him as if he was made of glass. He appreciated it.

At the dinner, they tried to act as normal as they can, but everything changed when Fizzy finally asked

“ did you really do it?” 

Louis froze , were they really talking about this

Lottie put the fork down “ Fizzy.. we aren’t talking about it"

Fizzy snapped “ why not? We have the right to know, we are his family"

Lottie yelled “ Fizzy.. for God sake we are eating "

“ who is eating? No one is touching the fucking food"

“ language” Lottie yelled, 

Louis finally stood up and he left the table hearing his younger twins calling his name.

**** 

 

He was lying on his bed, when his door was knocked, and then was opened. She was Lottie.

She looked at Louis, who sat on his bed now,when he looked at her she smiled softly at him.

“ I am okay “ he started.

She walked and sat in front of him on the bed “ I know you are"

He nodded, Lottie “ sorry about Fizzy.. She is just worried”

He smiled “ I know Lottie, you don’t Have to do this. I know her she is my little sis"

She smiled “ that’s good" then she looked at him “ you never told me what happened between you and Selena?”

He sighed, he knew eventually he would have to answer the major question.

He looked at her “ can we.. can we talk about it later , please?”

She nodded “ yes , sure . Whenever you want, I will be here waiting”

He smiled and he hugged her, then he stood up and he took his keys and his wallet

She looked at him confused “ are you going out?”

He nodded “ could use some fresh air, and I need some cigarette”

“ are you sure about it? I mean I believe they know now you are here , they will follow you everywhere”

He sighed, she was right, but he really needed some fresh air “ it’s not something I can’t handle"

“ will you be okay?"

He looked at her , and he tried to act as strong as he could “ yes Lottie, I will be fine"

Then he left the whole house, he looked at his old car he left it nearly two years ago now, he smiled wide and then he got inside it, then he froze. 

It smelled like Harry, of course it wasn’t but his mind played the filthy trick on him. He looked beside him a and then he saw Harry’s old bandana by the hand break . He stared at it, then he took it and he smelled it praying that it might still carried Harry’s smell. He then put it on his hand and he wiped his tears and then he drove away.

At the market, there was no single paparazzi there. He entered and he picked the cigarette he wanted, and then he remembered how much his sisters loved chocolate so he decided to buy them some since he didn’t buy anyone any present.

“ I still like it" he heard someone saying from the other aisle . He knew that voice , so he hurried to where the voice was coming from and he called

“ Niall”

And there was Niall, he turned his back and when he saw Louis he turned pale as sheat

“ Louis?” 

Louis smiled wide although his heart was beating very fast , he didn't know what to expect actually. But Niall walked to him and he hugged him really tightly, Louis hugged back and he wanted to cry.

Niall pulled back “ when did you come?”

Louis shrugged “ this morning..”

Niall smiled , then he looked beside him at a beautiful tanned lady “ this is Gigi..” Louis shook her hand looking at her confused “ have we met before?”

Niall smiled “ she is a model.. And also she is Zayn's girlfriend”

Louis gasped but he tried to control himself, Zayn, Zayn could lead to Harry.

Gigi widely at him “ pleasure to meets you, I am a huge fan"

Niall rolled his eyes while Louis laughed saying thank you.

“ here you are guys”

Someone said from behind, not anyone , Louis froze and he locked eyes with Niall , Niall didn’t move, he slightly nodded. 

No, his mind screamed no, this couldn’t be happening. He didn’t want to turn his back but he found himself turning and just there few steps away standing the one and only.

Harry styles.


	10. Chapter 10

When Louis opened his eyes next time he was in his room, he had no idea how did he get here.

Then he remembered why we the last thing he saw, he saw Harry standing there on his feet, talking, walking, Harry was totally okay. Although his hair was March longer, he looked thinner but it was him. Harry was back again.

He didn’t know what happened next but he was sure that he panicked, remembering him again almost gave him another panic attack. So all he knew that he panicked and somehow someone carried him here.

The door of his room was opened, he couldn’t see who was it, maybe one of his sisters came to check on him.

“ it’s true then” he heard a voice said.

He sat on his bed looking at his early visitor. Liam was standing in front of him smiling, then he ran and hugged him really tight

“ I missed you" Liam said.

Louis didn’t move, he couldn’t, he just stayed still.  
Liam looked at him worried “ are you okay?”

Louis was looking back at Liam, and yes he missed him too so much, he remembered Liam tried to contact him a lot since he left, Louis never answered.

“ when I heard the media talking about you here back in London I didn’t believe it in the start, and then Zayn called me and told me they saw you late-night”

Louis looked down “ no one told me, how come you never told me, I never knew”

Liam was still looking at him but he didn’t talk, Louis looked at him “ when?”

Liam “ he woke up five months ago, left the hospital two months later”

Louis pressed his mouth shut, he didn’t know What to say, he couldn’t blame anyone, after all he was the one who broke up with Harry, he was the one who ran away avoiding their calls and never tried to call them back.

“ he asked about you" Liam said , Louis looked at him tears all over his face, Liam continued “ it was the first thing he asked about. No one told him the truth he knew it himself”

Louis wiped his tears, Liam “ he was worried last night about you, actually he was the one who called me"

Louis whispered closing his eyes “ please stop"

Liam stopped talking, then Louis left his bed “ I don’t.. I can’t"

Liam looked down “okay I am sorry. I thought you wanted to know”

Louis almost yelled “ I don’t, I don’t need this. I don’t need him in my life"

Liam didn’t talk but he was shocked, then he nodded “ fine, as you like”

Louis closed his eyes “ this is a mistake, I shouldn’t come here”

Liam “ your sisters need you Louis, they were too worried. I was worried”

Louis looked down, he knew that as true, his sisters were too worried about him.

“ are you okay?” Liam asked

Louis frowned “ what happened to me last night?”

Liam but his lips, Louis “please just tell me"

“ you fainted.. And Niall was there so he took you here by his car and he put you on bed"

Niall did this by himself? Alone? Harry was with Niall, he must helped. Louis didn’t answer.

“ so are you busy tonight" Liam asked.

Louis raised a brow, Liam “ come on, let’s have dinner together, my treat”

“ no Liam, I can’t I am sorry”

Liam huffed “ come on man, don’t do this, let’s have dinner then you can go, I really missed you"

Louis looked down, Liam “ please”

Louis, had to nod, he missed Liam too. He wasn’t only his manager he was his best friend. He also knew that Liam was still worried about him. LIAM was actually blaming himself for what happened to Louis, Louis knew that and he didn’t like it 

******   
“ thanks for coming with me"

Liam said after sitting in their table at the restaurant. He said the same words more than ten times over the past hour.

Louis smiled at him and nodded his head, he used all the words he had at the last ten times.

The waiter gave Louis and Liam the alcohol menu, but Louis put it down on the table, when Liam noticed he frowned

“ you don’t like the place here? We can go somewhere else” Liam was being sensitive and caring as usual.

Louis shook his head, ignoring the waiter who was excited to see him and was waiting also for his response, he knew he had to tell Liam something 

“ no, I am okay here the place is very nice, never been here before" he looked at the waiter.

The waiter smiled wide “ you are very welcome here Mr Tomlinson, it’s really our pleasure”

Liam was watching Louis, he then put the menu also down, he looked at the waiter “ okay, we will make mind and tell you"

The waiter never lost his smile he nodded, and looked one more time at Louis and then he walked away  
Liam looked back at Louis who was looking down,

“ what is it? Did you quit drinking”

Louis chuckled at that “ oh never" then he looked at Liam “ I am just not allowed to drink after.. you know" 

Liam's face turned pale and Louis hated to see him like this, pain filled his eyes and seemed lost in words.

Louis tried to make it easy on him “ I am okay with this, really. Being drunk costs me a lot anyway"

Liam closed his eye, and Louis knew he was about to cry, and no, he wouldn’t like to see Liam cry now.

Louis sighed “ how about eating instead?”

Liam nodded and he raised his hand to the waiter.

 

After they ordered, and Liam made sure that Louis chose a complete healthy meal, Louis felt Liam was unable to talk, the tension was getting high and Louis had to do something about it or he would explode.

“ I have seen the movie" Liam started “ and it’s great, I loved it, I am sure you are getting a new award this year too"

Louis smiled “ thanks, I didn’t”

“ didn’t?”

“ didn’t watch it, didn’t care to be honest, and don’t expect any awards" 

Liam nodded looking down, he was thinking of the next question. He lifted his head “ what is your next step? Anything coming?”

Louis sighed looking at his struggling friend “ I don’t think so, my therapist will kill me if I stressed myself over anything”

Liam couldn’t take it anymore, he looked down and here the tears covered his face.

Louis chewed his gum then he said

“ it’s not your fault”

Liam Chuckled “ of course it is"

Louis huffed “ no it’s not, it was my choice, I did it"

Liam looked at him horrified and Louis now got what he just did, he just confessed that he did tried to end his life.

Louis closed his eyes in realization that now he had to explain himself, he took a deep breath 

“ it was a moment of weakness"

Liam tried to hold back his tears, Louis continued “ I can promise you now I won’t do it again, I give you my word"

Liam rested his back on the chair still looking at Louis 

“ that’s it, give me your word?"

Louis “ what else do you want?”

Liam snapped “ why did you do it?”

Louis shook His head in frustration “ oh God"

“ don’t oh God me!, you freaked me out, what did you expect sending me this text and then vanish from the earth, I was in London for God sake how I was suppose to help you, do you understand how panicked we were"

Louis snapped his head up to face Liam, we?

Liam sighed “ I wasn’t alone when you sent me your suicidal note Louis, I was with him. Next thing the two of us were in the plane heading to L.A.”

And no, this couldn’t be the truth, did Harry went to see him, did he really wanted to save his life after what he did to him. 

“ we saw you when you were unconscious, and the minute you wake up and prevented any visits we had to leave, the media was everywhere and Harry.. well we had to leave"

Harry what? Couldn’t handle the media? What was Liam trying to hide?

 

Louis didn’t talk.

Liam calmed “I am sorry for snapping at you, but.. we were scared, I was scared. You were doing okay louis what happened”

“ I never was okay" he mumbled.

Liam shook his head “ I didn’t tell your sisters, I couldn’t actually I didn’t know what to say, then the media said that you were accidentally overdosed, so looking as an addict is better for your sisters. No one knows the truth except for me and him"

Louis wanted to scream, why? Just why?

“ why did you do it?”

Louis looked at Liam, and he felt numb, he was empty and confused “ I needed him, very much and I needed you and Niall, I even needed Zayn"

Liam said softly “ then why didn’t you call?”

“ I was scared, not from you, you I can handle, even Zayn's tantrums. But I was scared that you tell me he is dead" he wiped his tears “ I convinced my mind that he was deal, but hearing it .. I know it would destroy me"

Liam “ but he is not, he is alive and nearly okay"

Louis looked down and he cried “ I should have known that, I used to feel him how did I miss it?"

Liam put his hand on Louis's hand “ don’t be so hard on yourself, please”

Louis looked at him “ I screwed up Liam, God I screwed up big time. I hate my life”

Liam squeezed his hand softly “ we will be okay, we will solve it out"

Louis nodded, Liam let go of his hand “ by the way, you need to fire your manger.. He is a complete asshole to be honest, really, an accidental overdose? For real? Was he put of ideas?”

Louis laughed at that, he knew Liam would hate his manager, Louis hated him himself.

 

The waiter came with the plates and they ate in peace, somehow Louis ignored the pain in his heart and wanted to feel some peace with his old best friend. Liam was a forgiving person, the minute he entered Louis’s room Louis knew he was forgiven. He loved Liam so much and he was grateful for having him as a friend.

Louis excused for the bathroom while Liam had a Phone call, he looked tensed and so Louis decided to give him his time.

He was washing his hand when the door suddenly slammed opened that startled Louis. Angry Zayn with shorter hair and more tanned skin was right in front of him looking angry.

“ fucking answer me" Zayn said yelling.

Answer what? 

Louis looked confused and he was trying to calm his crazy heart down 

“ why are you here Louis Tomlinson, you are ruining his life again, is that what you want"

“ what are you talking about?”

Zayn “don’t fucking play that role on me Louis, this is not a movie, it’s true, it’s life, it’s his life"

Louis wanted to shut Zayn up, the yelling and screaming was already causing a headache. He ignore Zayn and was leaving “ when you make sense come and meet me"

But Louis felt his hand was pulled hard that he almost tripped, when he opened his eyes he realized he was trapped on the wall and Zayn was right in front of him.

“ what the fuck Zayn?” Louis yelled.

 

Zayn was still angry “ you better leave him alone Louis, he doesn’t ha e to deal with your shit again, he doesn’t need this too, I swear..”

Zayn was pulled away from Louis, felt he can breath again, but his kind was something else, what did Zayn mean? What was going on with Harry 

“ just go home" he heard Liam saying while pushing Zayn outside the bathroom.

He still could hear them fighting and yelling at each other, he couldn’t understand what was said but he was still hearing voices.

He opened the faucet to wash his face when the door was opened again, he saw Liam through the window standing behind him alone.

“ sorry for that” he started.

Louis finished washing his face, he looked at Liam “ I didn’t understand him, I get why he is angry but I don’t understand what he said"

Liam sighed trying to avoid his face “ it meant nothing, he was just angry you know Zayn”

Louis could tell Liam was lying, but he had no power to argue.

He sighed “ can you drive me home?”

Liam nodded “ they are at the door"

Louis nodded and put his capuche on and he walked passing Liam.

**** 

 

In front of his house, Liam parked the car. The ride was silent, and Liam didn’t know if Louis was silent because of the kind of questions the Paparazzi asked him, or because what Zayn said to him

“ are you okay?” he finally asked.

Louis looked at him “ I want to know what is going on?”

Liam frowned “ what do you mean?”

Louis huffed “ cut the carp Liam and answer me, what the hell is happening here?”

Liam shrugged “ nothing..”

Louis almost yelled “ oh God, please I am not gonna hurt myself again just answer me"

Liam yelled too “ I don’t know anything, all I know that no one knew Harry was out of his coma till last night, they took pictures of his helping you with Niall. This morning the media was bothering him with questions and stalking him everywhere, Harry never was good with media so he.. He , I.. fuck”

“ he what?” Louis asked impatiently.

Liam sighed “he is not a hundred percent fine after the accident, he limp and sometimes lose his balance, when when they were following him this morning he trembled and he fell hit his head hurt, he fainted and at the start, he.. wasn’t waking up"

Louis' heartbeats raced, Liam “ we panicked and we thought he got in the coma again, but eventually he wake up and he is fine"

Louis swallowed his fear, still staring at Liam trying to read if he was lying or not, he wasn’t.

“ that’s why Zayn lost his mind, he was just worried about Harry. When Harry wake up he didn’t want the pres or the media to know anything about him, so he was terribly shocked this morning, and that’s why Zyan blames you, they were there for you, so..”

Louis finally nodded, he left the car “ where are you going?” Liam said following him.

Louis didn’t turn around, he just walked to his house saying “ go home Liam, I will be fine"

He slammed the door behind him and he ignored his sisters who were obviously waiting for him, he moved directly upstairs to his room,.locked the door. He died take his shower, he just changed his clothes and lied his body on the bed.

He was holding his Phone, his hand was shaking he hadn’t checked his Twitter ever since he tried to kill himself, but he wanted to know what happened last night.

And there were the photos, Ni all was carrying Louis who was obviously faint. Harry was walking in front.  
They were inside the car, Harry was driving .

Few photos but they said lot, the panicked look lengthier faces said a lot, they cared , they were still caring about him, no matter what he did Harry was there trying to help him.

Louis put the phone beside him ignoring the headlines, he cried, and cried, and cried.

Till he slept .

He cried .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading


	11. Chapter 11

Louis wake up next morning head hurt, muscles hurt. Everything hurt. 

He packed his bags and he was on his way to his flat, he didn’t want to stay any longer here with his sisters where the Paparazzi were following them all invading their privacy.

He was in the kitchen to drink something hot, he made sure to leave before they could see him, but to his luck Lottie was already awake. She was also in the kitchen when he got there.

“ you are awake?” he asked her 

She looked at him and then at his bag “ yes. You are leaving already?"

He sighed and he walked to pour himself some coffee, the headache was at the maximum.

“ yeah, I told you before I came, I will stay for couple of days"

“ we don’t bother really, actually he like you here"

He smiled and looked at her “ I won’t be far, beside you girls need your privacy I know the Paparazzi are giving you hard time"

Lottie looked down and didn’t talk, they both knew he was right, they couldn’t handle the Paparazzi for much longer, they were killing them slowly.

Louis moved and sat beside her, she looked sad and he knew he was the reason for her sadness.

“ are you okay?” she finally asked.

He looked at her and he tried go smile “ I will be"

She shook her head “ we didn't know .. about Harry I mean"

Louis looked down, she continued “ when we moved to London he wasn’t at the hospital, I called Niall and he told me that Harry was taken home, he told me he was still in coma. He lied to me and I don’t know why" she looked at Louis “ seeing him that night was a lot Louis , the girl went frantically crying , I could barely calmed the twins down, why didn’t you tell us?”

What??

Louis snapped his head up “ what!?”

Lottie looked at him shockingly “ you didn’t know?”

Louis shook his head, no he didn't know anything  
She nodded “ that’s why you panicked? Cause you saw him?”

He shrugged “ I guess"

She took a deep breath “ what are you doing? Are you.. I mean do you want him back?”

Louis chuckled “ really?” he looked at her “ I don’t think it’s an option Lottie” he put the cup down on the table and he stood up “ time to go"

Lottie held his forearm, then she stood up too and she hugged her brother tight “ Louis, I am here if you need anything, please be safe” she whispered in his ears, he hugged her tight too and whispered back “ I know, I will be okay Lottie don’t worry" 

 

He left her knowing that she was crying, and if he looked at her he would cry too, he knew how hard the past month was for his sisters, how much they were worried about him hearing the media saying that he tried to kill himself, he knew no matter how much he told his sisters he was Olay and he didn’t do it they would never believe him, he had to try harder, he had to prove it.

****** 

 

For the next three days, Louis was parking his car at the same spot, looking at that house for long time and then he panics then leave. Except for today, he left his car and he walked to the door and he even pressed the bell and waited,

The person who opened the door made the blood boiled in his veins, she looked at him shocked and then disgusted 

“ what are you doing here?”

He didn’t know how to answer, he wanted to ask the same question but he knew right now he had no authority.

“ what the hell do you want from him Louis? What else do you want?”

Louis's fist turned into ball, he was trying his best to control himself

“ I need to see him Gemma”

Gemma chuckled sarcastically “ really? Why now? What do you really want Louis? Do you want to turn him into an addict..”

“ Gemma” he heard Harry’s voice coming from inside.  
Gemma closed her eyes in frustration, then she looked behind her “ you don’t need him anymore Harry.. He left you when you wan..” 

Again he interrupted “ God, please stop" 

Then he saw his face, Harry, his Harry was standing there handsome as usual, he said something to Gemma Louis didn’t even hear, everything was silent now he only focused on harry. Harry's eyes the same great eyes he always loved, his hair was longer now and was tied on a hair band, to his surprise his hand was on a cast and when Louis saw it he couldn’t lift his eyes out of it.

“ Louis.. Lou?” Harry was calling him looking at him worried.

Louis wiped the tears in his eyes before they fall and he looked at Harry 

Harry asked frowning his brows “ are you okay? What is ... what is wrong?”

Louis shook his head trying to control everything “ I am fine, I am sorry .. I... yeah I am sorry"

Harry opened the door wide so Louis can enter, slowly Louis gained control of his feet and he walked inside waiting for Harry’s instructions. Harry closed the door and walked in front Louis, Louis could see the limp now. Harry was walking slowly and it was obvious that he was in pain.

He looked at Louis when they were in front of the couch and he slowly sat, Louis sat beside him and he felt his heart was slamming hard in his chest.

Harry looked at him and he waited for Louis to say anything, Louis forgot how to speak, he didn’t find any words in his mind he knew he had to say something like now. He closed his eyes wishing to calm himself a little bit, he took a deep breath but he felt a hand on his knees, he opened his eyes and Harry was looking at him “ panic again?” he asked.

Louis shook his head “ no, no I am fine"

Harry smiled and nodded “ tea?”

Louis again shook his head, he didn’t want to exhaust him more aS he looked awfully tired.

“ it’s okay" Harry Said.

Louis looked at him confused “ I .. understand if you are..scared” Harry was talking awfully slow, slow than ever 

“ my speech.. my speech is affected, sometimes I can’t find the words"

Louis had to nod, he didn’t know how to respond.  
“ sorry about Zayn"

Louis shook his head finally responding “ no I understand”

Harry nodded, he looked down and he stopped talking, so Louis knew it was his turn to talk.

Louis sighed and he looked down too “ Harry.. I am sorry, I am so sorry”

Harry didn’t move, Louis looked at him “ I didn’t know"

Nothing

“ Harry .. I know you can’t forgive me easily.. I mean I am not here for this reason , I mean I want you to forgive me..” he closed his eyes, huffed. he was nervous and he was rambling.

“ liam told me you were there when I was in the hospital”

It was when Harry looked at him shockingly, Louis tried to smile “ yeah. I kind of pushed him to tell me, I am here to thank you”

Harry frowned still looking at him, Louis “ for not telling my sisters”

Harry bit his lower lip and looked down again, Louis hated that silence, he wanted to hear Harry’s voice saying anything 

“ I knew I screwed up Harry .. And I don’t..”

“ stop talking" Harry finally said but Louis was taken back.

Harry looked at him eyes full of tears “ why are you talking... about this now?”

Louis frowned “ I..”

“ no, it has been what? Over.. over a year now, we don’t Have to talk about this"

He wiped his tears “ sorry but you don’t Have to go through this"

Louis bit his lips hard, he wanted to cry “ I want to do this"

Harry looked at him “ why? It doesn’t change anything Louis.. what happened just happened Louis, I don’t blame you so we are cool"

What was he talking about?

Louis finally nodded, obviously Harry didn’t want to talk about it and it made him more nervous.

“ Liam told me about the incident with the Paparazzi”

Harry sightseeing and nodded “ yeah.. I was hiding from them, but I knew eventually they will find out"

“ find out what?”

Harry looked at him “ that the sleeping hero is finally up"

Louis looked down, did Harry read that? Did he read what was going on? Did he really care or believe what was being said? Of course he believed, Louis was really engaged and was about to marry.

Harry finally stood up “ why are you here Louis?”

Louis stood too watching Harry, Harry continued “ I don’t think we have anything to talk about now .. what we had was over long.. time ago”

Louis slowly nodded, he was shocked, but seriously what did he expect?

Louis sighed and he said with the dignity he had left, 

“ you are probably right"

Harry was looking at him, he didn’t move his eyes away he was staring at Louis, and that confused Louis he didn’t know what Harry wanted him to do.

Then finally 

“ I think you should leave now" Harry finally said.

Louis wasn’t shocked, he just nodded and he walked himself back to the door still feeling Harry's eyes were on him.

Louis walked to his car, but again he saw paparazzi running towards him, so he ran to his car and he drove his car as fast as he can. He was angry and crying, confused and shaking. He hated that Louis that he became and then...

 

BANG...


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter

Louis wake up to The sound of his Phone buzzing beside him, he turned softly his hand was still hurt from the impact from last night. He reached his hand but he yelled in pain, fuck.. His chest also hurt.

As slower as he could, he sat on the bed, and then he left his shirt up to be meet with an file blue bruise, Louis hissed whence passed his fingers on it and he cursed under his breath, then he cursed loudly, no one was there with him anyway so what.

His phone vibrated beside him, he took a long look at it until it stopped ringing in the silent mode. He then picked his Phone up and he was shocked 

13 missed call from Liam, 10 from Lottie, 7 from Fizzy, one from his agent 

Three texts from the same people and he could swear they were yelling while writing them

And 25 missed call from unknown number , and a text from the same number, it said

“ it’s Harry, please pick up"

He huffed in frustration, then he called Liam

“ oh thanks God” Liam sighed through the phone, Louis didn’t expect that, he expected yelling and shouting, he expected a big lecture coming from angry Liam, expected angry Liam.

“ I am okay" he said still waiting,

“ I am on my way, you scared me Lousi, you can’t be photographed having an accident and then disappeared from the world"

Louis sighed “ yeah, sorry. I just was sleeping, needed to clear my mind"

Then his doorbell rang, Liam “ must be your sisters, they were worried sick about you"

Louis left his bed slowly “ Okay, I am gonna answer that"

And then he hanged up and but the phone in his pocket, he walked to the door and get himself ready for some tears and crying , he opened the door and then he gasped.

“ Harry?”

Harry was standing there right in front of him, carrying the same worried look he always had when he used to worry about Louis.

Once he saw Louis, he closed his eyes and sighed in relief “ thanks God..”

Louis frowned “ what are you doing here?”

Harry “ I tried to call you Louis, you didn’t answer"

Louis looked down, Harry continued “ listen I know you are upset from last night, but you just had made an accident.. I was .. I was worried Louis" he stuttered 

Louis walked inside letting him in “ you don’t Have to be"

Harry closed the door behind him “ I am sorry”

Louis shook his head, and no, he won’t let Harry apologize for him it wasn’t his fault

“ it’s not your fault Harry” Harry herd the annoyance in louis's voice.

He took a few steps in “ so you are okay?”

Louis gave him His back, he was going to lie anyway “ yes Harry I am fine, thank you"

Harry said annoyed “ you don’t Have to thank me"

Louis didn’t answer him, Harry said again “ I am sorry, about last night.. about what I said"

Louis “ no you are not"

Harry was shocked “ what"

Louis looked at him “ you are not sorry Harry, you don’t Have to be even sorry, we ‘re done, there is nothing to be said between us for God sake”

Harry looked down, and Louis couldn’t tell if he was crying or he was thinking.

Louis gave him his back, he couldn’t handle Harry now, he could use this moment right now, he needed Harry and he knew Harry needed him, but that would be unfair to Harry.

He felt Harry’s hand was on his shoulder, and he closed his eyes, the touch was all what he needed right now

“ I am still sorry" Harry said.

Louis shook his head again and herbed away from Harry’s hand “ Harry I think you should leave"

“ no" Harry said looking down.

Louis looked at him “ excuse me? What are you even doing here? And don’t tell me you are worried”

“ but I am” Harry said looking at him eyes opened wide.

Louis believed him, but he didn’t know why he was worried about him after what he did  
Harry sighed “ why are you doing this to yourself Lousi? What are you missing?”

Louis didn’t understand, Harry rubbed his face and Louis knew he was trying to hold his tears back, 

“ I was there” Harry said, then he looked at Louis “ when you did it, I was there I saw you there.. why did you do it"

Louis sighed and shook his head cause no he won’t discuss his suicide attempt with Harry.

“ did you do it again?” Louis heard the tone in Harry’s voice, Harry was scared “ did you tried to kill yourself last night Louis?” 

Louis snapped his head up to him “ is this why you are here?” Harry but his lip and the tears fell , Louis was shocked sincerely “ no Harry, I didn’t, it was an accident, unintentional accident it happens you know"

“ they say..” Harry stated , and Louis lost it , he yelled “ stop believing them? Why are you even listening to them? You never cared about them so why now?”

Harry looked down and he wiped his tears away, Louis took a deep breath he didn’t mean to yell “ I am sorry, didn’t mean to yell at you, but they always talking about me and I hate it.. I fucking hate it"

“ I know” he said

“ no you don’t” Louis said angrily, he looked at Harry again “ why are you here Harry?” he was angry but not from Harry he was angry from himself.

Harry looked at him shocked and confused, Louis “ I wasn’t there for you, why are you here now? What are you trying to prove?”

“ prove?” Harry whispered, 

Louis “ yes, because you can’t pretend that you forgave me”

“ yes I can’t.. I didn’t forgive you"

Then louis yelled again “ then why are you here?”

“ stop yelling at me"

“ then fucking tell me"

“ because I fucking care”

Silence 

Harry took a deep breath while Louis was eyeing him 

“ I know I shouldn’t, I know I shouldnot even be here.. I know I shouldn’t care and forget .. forget about you like you did to me, but I just can’t..” he cried “ it has been over a year for you, for all of you and a lot can happen in a year .. I mean you almost got married Louis, but for me..”

he closed his eyes trying to control his emotions “ for me it was just few months , he then chuckled biting hard on his lips that Louis could swear it would bleed  
“ my doctor says it is a miracle to wake up with my brain still there.. I call it a curse, I keep blaming God for not giving me an amnesia or even waking up from the start"

Louis gasped and his heart wrenched inside his chest, 

“ I mean.. why bother waking me up while my whole life crashed around me, I can’t work anymore, my sister who hates me had to come to watch over me since no one was there, my finace ...” then he stopped 

He looked at Louis “ my finace was engaged to a woman, not any woman ... the one and only Selena Gomez"

He sighed and shook his head “ and ever since nothing is working for me, no matter how hard I tried to fix anything .. it’s just like the universe are telling me that’s why you shouldn’t fight to wake up dumbass.. you should have let go so long time ago and save yourself and people around you all the pain"

He chuckled again “ and you know what is the funniest part.. I can’t run, I can’t hide I just .. I wish I can find a way and end all this.. I need..” he stopped himself  
He wiped his tears away “ I am not expecting anything really.. I am not waiting for you anymore.. I am not waiting for any kind of other miracle cause I have already took my share" he tried to smile 

Louis didn’t realize he was crying, but when.His vision became blurred he was sure.

“ I think you should answer your phone" Harry finally said , was it even ringing.

Louis put his hand in his pocket and put out the phone he hastily answered not because he wanted to, no but because he wanted to escape the moment, how could he answer what Harry just said

“ you are okay?” 

Louis was shocked, because on the phone was Selena  
“ Selena?” Louis asked, 

“ yes here, how are you? Are you okay? Hurt?”

Louis sighed, he still remember the fears he put he the last time “ yes, yes I am fine, it was just an accident”  
“.just an accident? So you are really okay?”

He nodded pressing his nose bridge with his fingers “ I m fine, everything is okay"

“ okay, talk care, and Louis.. I think we will be meeting soon"

Louis frowned “ what does it mean?”

He heard her sighing “ just check your inbox or even answer your agent" then she said “ bye for now"

He put the phone down, and then he sighed, why did she meant? 

“ Louis?” it was Liam's voice, did the doorbell rang  
LOuis turned to face him, and suddenly he remembered Harry, he looked around him, and then he walked the house calling him and was followed by Liam.

He stopped when he realized Harry wasn’t there anymore, he turned and looked at Liam “ where is Harry?”

Liam was shocked, Louis sighed in defeat, he sat on the couch burying his face in his hand

“ Harry was Here?” Louis didn’t move, Liam “ but why? He called me I told him you were okay"

Louis lift his head, he was crying , Liam “ what happened?”

Louis shook his head “ no, I can’t.. I can’t do it anymore, I can’t”

Liam nodded “ how can I help you?”

Louis “ I need you to book me a ticket Liam, I wanna go.. And never just never come back" 

Liam sighed and he slowly nodded.


	13. Chapter 13

Louis was sitting on his bed, dressed up ready to leave, his plane was in three hours, he packed his clothes and he was waiting for Liam to drive him to the airport.

It has been two days since he talked to Harry, he hadn’t heard from him after that, the guilt was eating him alive and he still didn’t have the answer for the most important question.

He looked again at the phone he was holding on his hand. Harry’s old phone, he then switched it on and he moved to the messages. He saw that video again where he was cheating on him, he replayed it over and over again until Liam called him telling him he was outside.

At the car where they were in their way to the airport, Louis suddenly said

“ I need to see Harry”

Liam looked at him confused, he didn’t known if he heard him right “ what?”

Louis looked at him “ Harry, I need to see him now"

“ why?”

“ just stop the car"

“ Louis”

But Louis were somewhere else, he yelled “ stop the fucking car"

Liam “ alright, alright.. I will drive you to Harry”

 

****** 

 

It was still early in the morning, so when Louis pressed the doorbell of Harry’s he knew he will startle him  
Henna opened the door, she looked at him confused 

“ what are you doing here?”

Louis huffed, he didn’t want this, he didn’t want to see her or talk to her, he just needed Harry, 

“ I need to see Harry”

She shrugged “ why again?”

Louis angrily “ Gemma, please.. I am not into this"

Gemma “ I am not gonna let you see him again to ruin his life.. which is already ruined thanks to you"

“ what the hell does it mean?” Louis asked knowing the answer, but he didn’t know that Gemma knew, did Harry told her about the video?

Gemma “ the truth.. He was a happy person before meeting you, you turned his life upside down with your media and fake news that kept following him everywhere..”

No she didn’t know anything, she was just trying to make him feel angry as always 

“ and when he was lying on his bed struggling for his life, you chose yourself, actually you always did Louis but he never saw that, he was always blind with this so called love you used to name it" she chuckled “ but you know what I am glad he saw the truth of you..”

And God this girl didn't know how to stop

“ Gemma.. shut up" he said getting inside the house  
She stopped talking obviously wasn’t expecting that at all, he was looking at Harry in the living room but he wasn’t there

“ what the he’ll are you doing?” Gemma shouting “ you are not welcome here Louis, so do us all a favour and leave before things get worse"

Louis was now looking in the kitchen “ oh God, stop talking, I can’t believe he has to deal with you again"

“ well I am the only one who was there for him when he wake up, you didn’t give him any other choice, did you"

Louis stopped moving for a while, she always knew how to strike hard, but he ignored and was on his way to the bedroom

“ I made sure that he knew you left him in the middle of everything, and you chose to go have fun acting and fall in love, God Louis! How could you fall in love and your fiance was dying"

Louis took a deep breath and he opened Harry’s bedroom door, and finally he saw Harry leaving his bed looking shocked and panicked at the same time 

Louis finally turned to face Gemma “ oh here he is.. thanks Gemma" he pushed her outside the room and locked the door.

He took a deep breath and tuned to face Harry who was standing behind him now looking at him eyes full of questions.

“ I need to talk to you"

Harry nodded “ it’s barely seven.. you could..”

“ now Harry”

Harry closed his mouth, Louis “ there is something I need to know, I should actually ask you the minute I know you were back"

Harry didn’t talk, he was waiting.

Louis sighed “ I am leaving..”

Harry looked shockingly at him “ where?”

“ I am coming back to Los Angeles”

Harry looked disappointed “ that fast?”

“ I wasn’t planning to go now, but I couldn’t take it anymore”

Harry was still staring at him, Louis whispered “ I wasn’t ready for you Harry”

Harry nodded biting his lower lip hard stopping himself.

“ I need to know something before I leave “ Louis said.

Then he gave Harry his old phone. Harry was surprised seeing it, then he looked at Louis for more instructions

“ you kept it? You are bringing it back to me?”

Louis shook his head “ I don’t care about the stupid phone Harry, I care about what's in it"

Harry seemed lost “ the photos?”,

Louis sighed and then he opened the phone for Harry on the video and gave it to Harry “ this Harry”

Harry took the phone and looked at the video, at the start he frowned and then he was shocked but he didn’t finish the video, he stopped it and looked at Louis 

“ what is this?”

And now Louis froze.

Harry shrugged “ I don’t understand..” he looked at the video again “ it says it was almost two years ago.. what is it? I don’t understand”

“ you don’t remember?”

“ remember?” then Harry gasped “ oh God, do you mean it happened before the accident?” he looked again at the phone “ yeah.. it was before the accident.. did I see it?”

Louis watching Harry, he was panicking himself ,   
obviously Harry had no clue what was going on

“ I don’t know Harry, you tell me"

Harry took a deep breath “ I can’t help you"

He gave the phone back to Louis “ I don’t remember. Anything happened before the accident I don’t remember it.. last thing I remember is you leaving for the Golden's globe” he sighed “ I know you won.. had seen it on YouTube but I don’t remember it, or you coming back, I don’t know if we celebrated or not.. I tried to look through the media for anything.. but God.. they were right”

Louis was watching Harry, and he was speechless

“ right?” He asked 

Harry looked at him “ they said you were cheating on me, I didn’t believe it.. I mean it wasn’t the only one they said that, but obviously..” 

“ I wasn’t..” Louis interrupted

Harry stopped talking, Louis “ I wasn’t, I was drunk and they wanted to photograph me as the worse one here.. but I wasn’t Harry I swear”

Harry nodded, but his eyes were full of tears now “ so did we.. did we talk about it?” Harry asked.

Louis shook his head stopping his hand from wiping Harry’s tears “ no, we didn’t”

Harry looked down nodding “ we didn’t”

“ we were supposed to celebrate the award, you took me to my favourite restaurant.. but the pappz were waiting and they mentioned something about the cheating.. I was pissed off, they were some photos of me kissing a model"

Harry nodded “ saw them"

Louis nodded, he hated to talk again about this “ and you did that day too. I tried to calm you down, the night went okay.. but when we were home obviously someone sent you that video when I was asleep, cause when I wake up you weren’t home and I know there was a big fire you went to help the guys.. Then I saw what happened to you on the news"

Harry closed his eyes, and Louis knew that Harry saw it too

Harry finally looked at Louis “ what do you want to know Louis?”

Louis looked down “ you saw the video and you didn’t talk about it"

Harry nodded now, he chuckled “ they were telling me not to believe the media.. but obviously they were right"

Harry looked at Louis in the eyes “ you think I tried to kill myself? I saw the video and decided to end my life? Why? Do you feel guilty?”

Louis looked down again, Harry shook his head “ I don’t remember Louis. But I know this isn’t me"

Louis was in tears now, Harry “ I think if I made it okay that day.. I would set and talk.. fight and get angry at you and require an explanation.. but I would never choose the easiest way, not me Louis, and if you know me better you would never ask me this”

Harry gave him his back “ here is your answers Louis"

Louis sighed “ it doesn’t make it not my fault too"

Harry looked at him again, Louis “ whether you tried to kill yourself that day or not, you weren’t okay because of me, I ruined your life Harry”

Harry kept looking at Louis, Louis “ I know there is nothing I can do to make you feel better about what I did to you, but I am really sorry Harry”,

“ don’t go" Harry said suddenly, 

Louis looked at his eyes, Harry was crying “ don’t leave me again, stay and try harder, try to make things better between us again .. I am still ready to forgive you.. right now I can give you hundreds of excuses Louis.. but if you leave..” Harry closed his eyes letting the tears fall freely “ if you leave Louis .. I won’t be able to forgive you”

Louis was also crying, he could believe what Harry was saying 

“ I can’t stay Harry”

“ please.. I need you Louis, I need you.. I can’t make it without you"

Louis shook his head “ you are better off me"

“ oh my God... you are leaving me again, you are choosing yourself again"

“ it’s not like that.. Harry I have changed"

Harry was still looking at Louis's eyes, Louis resisted the desire to hug Harry “ those days you were out changed me a lot, I am not the same Louis you knew"

“ yes you are"

“ no, Harry .. I will hurt you over and over again.. I am not worth it, you deserve much better”

Harry closed his eyes “ all I wanted is you”

Louis shook his head “ I won’t make you happy"

Harry didn’t say any word again, but Louis couldn’t take it anymore, he rushed and hugged Harry really tight, Harry hugged back and then Louis whispered 

“ I am sorry"

But Harry whispered back “ I still love you"

Louis let go and he looked at Harry’s eyes, then he left him running outside.

Louis was crying hard when he got into the car again with Liam who was waiting outside . Liam said nothing he knew it wouldn’t end good. He drove Louis to the airport and Louis finally could get himself together before jumping inside the airport thanking his God for no presence of the paparazzi, liam promised he would be on Los Angeles as soon as he could, he asked Louis to be his agent again and Louis accepted. He couldn’t said no to Liam he was the one who knew him better than anyone after all.

 

Louis cried again at the plane, he didn’t want to remember what Harry said before he left, but his mind kept repeating Harry’s voice over and over again 

 

“ I still love you”

 

He still loved him and yet he ran.


	14. Chapter 14

Hi guys, hope you are enjoying the story, but I have to tell you I can't write for the next weeks but I promise I will finish it

Thank you for reading and supporting, you are the best

All the love ❤


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back, hope you enjoy ❤

“ and the winner is Louis Tomlinson” 

Said the beautiful actress while the crowd cheered and clapped their hands.

“ but unfortunately he is not here so the one who will receive his prize is his partner in the movie , Selena Gomez"

 

Louis was watching the ceremony on his couch on his house, he smiled when he saw Selena receiving his award and saying some words Louis didn’t mind to listen. He closed the tv and he stood up moved towards the door taking his jacket and wallet with him, never caring about his phone that lied on the table.  
Once he left the house, his phone started ringing, Liam was calling him, he was trying call him for the last week while he was back home, but Louis never answered him.

Louis' leg rode him to the be he used to go with Harry when they were younger and visit Los Angeles. The first time they were there Louis was celebrating his first movie, his first big role where people started to notice him, started to recognize him and asking for his autographs and photos, Louis remembered how the two of them were happy, Louis would pause smiling the cameras with his new fans while Harry would stand few steps away trying his best to avoid the flashes and give Louis his moments.

The bar was crowded, it changed a lot since the last time they were here four year ago, he didn’t like the changes but he didn’t care, he wanted to sit at the same table he shared with Harry but it was occupied so he sat on the bar instead, asking for the strongest drinking could have, he decided to knock himself down and then ask an Uber to drive him home, he didn’t bring his car.

The music was high and after the third drink Louis was still feeling the pain in his heart, he wanted it to stop and numb everything, he wanted to forget about Harry, he was planning to but yet here he is drowning his self in memories he had with Harry.

When the song started Louis gasped, it was Harry’s sing, Louis looked around him, it was an old song, why would they bother playing it now. The song and the tune, the lyrics were literally suffocating him. He couldn’t take it anymore so he run towards the bathroom, he needed distractions.

At the bathroom he washed his face with waters trying to hold back the tears, he wasn’t okay, he knew he wasn’t okay ever since the last meet with Harry, and he knew there was something to do, Harry begged hIm to stay told him he was ready to forgive and let it go, but Louis couldn’t do it to Harry, Harry deserved better, he Didn't deserve an addict asshole like he became, he cheated on Harry and Harry never deserved such a thing.

Louis looked at his reflection at the mirror, and he saw the tears on his face, he shook his head in anger and then he put his hand on his pocket, and he put the small plastic bag that contain the white powder he put tow lines on the sink and then he snuffed them.

“ oh my God" someone behind Louis said, Louis knew this voice pretty much, but what was Zayn doing here.  
Louis turned his back and looked at Zayn who was looking shockingly at him 

“ what are you doing?” Zayn asked looking at the remaining of the powder on the sink

Louis looked at the sink too and then at Zayn  
“ are you crazy? What if anyone saw you? How could you explain this? Are you trying to ruin your career?”

Louis was looking at him blankly

“ I thought you quit, liam says you quiet" Zayn said calmly.

Louis didn’t talk, he walked towards the door, he wasn’t ready or prepared for Zayn or anyone from his past.

Zayn grabbed his wrist “ what is wrong with you?” he almost yelled

“ what do you want Zayn?” Louis finally talked emotionlessly 

Zayn let his hand “ what are you doing here? Are you alone?”

Louis smiled sarcastically “ why do you even care?”

Zayn looked at him “ are you high?”

Louis smiled “not your business”

Zayn shook his head, he put his phone out of his pocket “ I am calling Liam”

Louis “ whatever you want, go ahead rat me as always"

Zayn looked at him “ what?”

Louis “ go ahead call Liam, tell him that you found the pathetic Louis Tomlinson doing drugs at the pub bathroom, you know what call Harry too tell him what you found, it’s not your first since you always love to give Harry the bad news about me"

Zayn closed his eyes “ why are you bringing this now?”

Louis “ I am just reminding you, that’s what you are"

Zayn huffed, he knew Louis wasn't even thinking clearly “ who is here with you?”

Louis “ wow, changing the topic then. Why? Don’t you want to remember what you did? You ruined my life"

“ what are you talking about? How did I ruin your life Louis? What do you even mean?” then he chuckled “ typical Louis always looking for someone to blame"

Louis got furious at this “ you ruined my life with Harry”

Zayn laughed but he was getting angry “ what do you mean? When? You are talking about something that happened over five years ago, what the hell is wrong with your head?”

Louis looked down trying to calm himself down, what was he even talking about? Zayn was right that incident happened long time ago 

Zayn was watching him “ you are ruining your life Louis, get your shit together and start living"

He then left the bathroom for Louis, who looked again at his reflection, how awful he looked, how pale he became, his eyes had sunken inside and his cheekbones were extra sharp, he hated how he looked. He looked away and he rushed outside the bathroom, the drugs were already doing it’s effect, he felt light headed and the numb sensation was running gradually through his body. He took a deep breath smiling at himself or was he making fun of himself then he left the bathroom.

His vision was getting blurred but he didn’t want to sit, he didn’t want to relax he walked to the dance stage and he started to sway right and left listening to another song, he closed his eyes and he let the tears fall down while he danced, he didn’t want to think of anything, he didn’t want to think of how he let his sisters down, how he let himself down and most importantly how he let Harry down. 

He cried and when he opened his eyes he saw Zayn was walking towards the door outside and following him was a curly brown hair man, even though he was giving Louis his back, Louis knew him, how could he not, that was Harry. Louis tracked him till he got out of the pub and then he closed his eyes again continued dancing, dancing alone, crying alone.

 

***** 

Louis was lying on his couch in front of his opened tv, he was sleeping and what wake him up was his doorbell and the banging on his door, Louis sat on his couch and was hit immediately with the huge headache that he couldn’t even move afraid that he would throw up, by t he had to answer the fucking door. He stood up trying to remember what happened and how did he got here but he didn’t care, it wasn’t his first time anyway so .. the he didn’t care.

The door was ringing continuously and Louis finally opened the door but what he didn’t expect was the visitor. Harry was standing right in front of him looking at Louis with panicked eyes

Louis froze, didn’t move, didn’t talk, didn’t let Harry in  
Harry sighed “ are you okay?”

And what!?

“ you didn’t answer your phone, you didn’t answer anyone’s calls"

Louis was standing staring at Harry 

Harry sighed “ can i come in?”

Louis finally took few steps away letting Harry in, Harry entered and closed the door behind him, Louis headed towards his kitchen he needed something for his head and he needed it now, Harry followed him watching Louis taking two pills and drinking a small amount of water, no one said a word.

Harry was the one who broke the silence “ Zayn said he saw you last night"

Louis chuckled “ yeah, Zayn of course”

Harry raised a brow but ignored 

Louis finally looked at Harry “ are you here to see for yourself how pathetic I am"

“ what?”

Louis sighed “ cut the carp Harry , why are you here?”

Harry bit his lower lip hiding his pain and hurt “ I wanted to make sure you are okay"

“ why? Cause last I checked I refused your offer to get back together, I don’t need you anymore in my life Harry why are you keep trying"

Harry tried to ignore the pain in his chest “ you said you became clean, you said to Liam you..”

“ fuck liam" Louis yelled and Harry flinched 

“ why do you care if I am on drugs or not, I am an addict Harry, everyone knows that"

“ no you are not"

“ yes, look at me, look at how I became.. how awful I am"

Harry shook his head “ why are you doing this? Why are you keep hurting yourself Louis I don’t understand”

“ you will never understand”

“ enlighten me then"

“ I don’t have to do this, not to anyone and definitely not to you"

Harry was shocked “ why? Why are you keep pushing me away?” 

“ I don’t need you"

“ yes you do.. look at you"

Louis shook his head “ no, I don’t need you"

Harry sighed “ I can’t watch you going through this and do nothing Louis”

Louis laughed hysterically “ what will you do Harry? Will you try to fix me"

“ yes" 

“ I am okay I don’t need to be fixed, I am perfectly fine"

“ you are not fine Louis, you need help, let me help you"

Louis yelled again “ I DON’T NEED YOUR FUCKING HELP"

Harry was looking at him “ you need help Louis, If not me then find anyone to help you, we are all ready to help"

Louis closed his eyes trying to control his anger “ why are you doing this? Why are you trying to prove Harry” he then opened his eyes “ that you are better than me? That you are the hero in this story, well guess what I don’t need your fucking help and fine you are the best in the world you are the great , kind , perfect human being, is that what do you want"

Harry was looking at him “ why are you doing this?”

Louis huffed “ I told you, I’ve changed Harry, I am no more Louis you knew"

“ of course you are"

“ well I am not, and try to find him because you will get hurt again” he looked at Harry and walked closer to him till their eyes met “ listen to me Harry and listen carefully, we are no longer together, the history we shared is over.. so now I want you out of my life, I don’t wanna see your face again, I don’t wanna hear your voice again, I am no longer loving you Harry.. I don’t love you anymore”

Harry swallowed the pain, and he looked down and Louis knew he was trying to hide his tears, 

" I can't do this anymore" he whispered, then he took a few steps back and then he turned his back and walked outside his house not looking back and Louis was thankful for this, because if Harry looked back he would see the tears that was all over louis' face, Harry left and Louis collapsed on his floor, he cried and cried and cried 

He knew he did the right thing, he needed to forget Harry, to hate him so he can live again, he needed to stop thinking of him and maybe start living again, he wanted Harry to hate him so he won’t feel any guilt towards him, Louis cried himself to sleep that day and he was okay with this, he wanted to cry Harry out of his soul, he wanted to cry Harry out of his heart, and he hoped that when he stop crying Harry would be no longer there, Harry would be no longer in his memories or thoughts. 

He hoped.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again  
> I am so sorry for the late update but here I am and I believe I will finish it before the year ends❤️😂
> 
> Anyways only two chapters left. Thanks for reading. English is not my first language.

For the next few days Louis hadn’t left his bed by all the means, he hadn’t eaten he hadn’t move. He was just sleeping and use the loo when he wanted.

 

He didn’t answer any phone calls and he didn’t answer the door knocks. He just lied on the bed with his sleeping pills sleeping and sleeping and sleeping.  
At the day five, he couldn’t sleep anymore, actually he couldn’t stand the room anymore, he felt as if he was suffocating, he felt dizzy he needed something to eat. But he knew his kitchen was empty. So he saw himself wearing a sweatpants and a hoodie taking his keys and wallet and he left the room covering his head with his hoodie cap.

 

To his surprise he wasn’t recognised and Louis liked that. No pappz following, no fans yelling and shouting. No bothering.

 

He saw a coffee shop and he wanted to try his shot. He got inside regularly, he ordered his breakfast and the man behind the cashier didn’t recognise him too. He took a comfortable seat at the end of the shop and he sat alone watching the passing by through the glass window.

 

When the waitress put his orders on the table she flashed him her shy smile, she recognizer him and she winked to him and walked away.

 

Luckily she didn’t tell anyone and while he was leaving he saw her looking at him and he whispered thank you and he left.

 

He didn’t go home. Instead he walked at the streets enjoying his freedom, he didn’t know why no one recognized him, did he changed that much, he knew he lost weight and he is now growing a beard but was that all he had to do to be stopped following.

 

When he returned home at night, his legs were hurting his all muscles were hurting but he didn’t actually care. He felt free. For the first time in life he felt breathing.

 

For the next few days Louis felt he was really changing, he wakes up every day early and jogging for an hour in the nearly empty streets then goes to the same coffee shop to have his breakfast. Then goes home and sleep.  
When the night comes he moved outside again enjoying the walking and then he returns home order anything to eat.

 

He enjoyed the calmness, even his mind stop thinking about harry, his body stopped the need for any numbness. He was getting better and he was happy.

He started to answer his sisters angry calls and with time the anger stopped and he enjoyed the long cheerful conversations.

 

The only thing that he kept doing was avoiding his friends and his co-worker, he was nominated for another award and he read once that he was missing and believed to be depressed, and for the first time Louis didn’t mind what the press write about him. He just sent a text message to his agent and said he quit this job. He didn’t need the money anyway, he had enough money for him and for his sisters.

Everything was okay till one day his phone went off while he was in the coffee shop drinking his coffee. and he answered Fizzy as usual, the thing is it wasn’t Fizzy, 

 

“ hi Fizz”

“ hello Louis” 

Louis froze for a second, his mind escaped to the last call he had with Niall, it was after Harry begged him to stay. Niall gave him a hard call 

“ Niall? “

 

Niall chuckled “ you still remember my voice? “

Louis sighed “ how are you? Everything okay? “

“ no”then he took a moment to talk “ Liam’s father had passed away. Thought I should tell you. Actually I wasn’t but I saw Fizzy and I said why not, I know Liam would need you there. The funeral is in two days it would be good for Liam if you showed up”

Louis was staring at his coffee listening, when Niall stopped talking he said “ how is he? “

Niall sighed through the phone “ I really don’t know, Harry says he is bad I haven’t seen him yet. On my way to him”

Louis but his lip at the Harry but he said “ I will be there”

“ thank you”

Then the phone was ended. 

*****

 

Louis didn’t think twice, once he needed the call he booked the flight at the same night. And once he was in London, he put his bags at his flat and he rushed directly to Liam’s house, it was still early morning and he didn’t know what to expect. 

iam opened the door, he looked awful pale with red eyes, but once he saw Louis he hugged him and he cried on his shoulder. 

 

Louis didn’t leave Liam’s side for the next two days, only for few hours where he met his sisters and he made sure Liam wasn’t alone as one of their mates was there. Their mates included harry, and Louis didn’t know what would happen when he sees Harry, but where was Harry anyway? It’s like he wasn’t there. It had been two days and he hadn’t meet him or even heard about him from the others. 

 

It was the day of the funeral, Louis was also there with Liam while he dressed and he was with him at the car to the church. 

 

Louis was talking to Niall and his fiance when he saw Harry walking inside the church. Louis’s heart dropped and he felt the world had frozen. Although it has been only a months since he last saw him but Harry looked different. He was wearing his long black coat and that green scarf That Louis baught him in his twenty birthday. He looked taller, more handsome and he wasn’t alone. He was walking by some guy Louis knew he had seen him before. They were talking and Louis knew that Harry did not see him. 

 

Louis left Niall and he tried to act normal while rushing inside the church, he was looking for harry and he found him with Liam hugging him tightly and patting his back. Then the guy who was with Harry hugged Liam too. Who the hell is this man? 

 

Louis felt a hand on his shoulder, he flinched and he looked beside him and Zayn was standing beside him smiling 

“ I am glad you came”

Louis smiled and nodded “ how are you Zayn? “

Zayn nodded and looked at Harry then at Louis “ I am fine, what about you, you look better”

 

“ I feel better... I am.. Listen I am sorry about last time”

Zayn frowned “ hay, it’s okay. Really” the he put his hand in his shoulder “ I am really glad you came”

Louis shook his head “ you all think I was not coming, aren’t you? “

Zayn shrugged “ some believed you will” then he walked to sit in his place. 

The funeral was about to start so Louis walked and sit by his sisters at the second raw, he looked in front where Liam was sitting by his family and he saw the tears filling all their eyes. Then he looked behind Liam and he saw Harry with the mysterious man and Harry also was crying. Louis took a deep breath and looked down unaware of what was saying. He just stayed there and kept silent. 

 

**** 

 

Harry didn’t attend the after funeral, he just left with his guy and Louis was somehow furious, he didn’t ask though. He juts stayed at the kitchen away from everyone. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, although he heard some whispering here and there about his depression but he just ignored. 

“ are you alone? “ Niall asked 

Louis looked at him and Niall was leaning on the counter. 

Louis shrugged, he took his coffee and he drank some   
Niall sat beside him and he looked at him “ are you okay? “

Louis sighed “ I am not depressed”

Niall frowned “ okay, are you okay? “

Louis looked at Niall “ why I won’t be okay? “

Niall sighed “ I don’t know, maybe because the last time one of us saw you, you were a douchebag”

Louis looked at him and then he chuckled, Niall laughed silently too

“ we were worried” Niall said 

Louis took a deep breath “ well, you should stop”

“you are not making it easy”

Louis shrugged, Niall “ aren’t have enough from this game? “

Louis looked at him “ what game? “

Niall “ the hurt game, you keep hurting yourself lou”

Louis was getting angry “ you mean hurt harry” then he chuckled “ I don’t think he is hurt, he is obviously having fun in his new relation “ and he wanted to mentally slap himself for what he just said, where I don’t care attitude go. 

 

Niall was staring at him then he said “ did you think he will always wait for you? “

 

Louis closed his eyes “no Niall, I didn’t “

“ good, because he wanted to, and he was ready. But you made it crystal clear that you don’t want him anymore in your life”

Louis looked down and whispered “ I don’t “

Niall nodded “ he is living his life now, he is finally living his life. So don’t you ruin it for him”

Louis looked at him “ why would I? I don’t care, remember? “

Niall huffed and looked down, then he nodded “ I hope you do remember “

 

Then he stood up, and he squeezed Louis’s shoulder softly and left the kitchen.

 

At the end of the day, Louis was looking for Liam to say goodbye. The place was empty. No one was there. He knew Liam’s sisters and mom were all sleeping now. And all of the guests had left except for Niall and him and Zayn. 

He herd sobbing coming from the living room, and he rushed there, 

 

“what’s wrong? “Louis was so worried that he didn’t notice that Liam was crying on Harry’s shoulder 

 

Harry looked at Louis and he tensed, Louis was looking at harry but he had to look at Liam right? 

 

Liam pulled away from Harry and wiped his tears “  
I am sorry, God I feel stupid”

 

Harry looked at Liam and he turned soft again “ don’t be.. It’s understandable”

 

Louis walked closer and sat by Liam too   
Liam shrugged “I mean, I knew.. He was dying.. Harry you have seen him, right? He wasn’t gonna make it” 

Liam looked at Harry who slowly nodded and tears again filled his tears 

Liam then looked at Louis “ he always told me to get back to you. He always asked me not to leave you alone” then he cried again. This time Louis took him in his hug and he rubbed his back while harry pressed his thigh. 

 

Louis was looking at Harry, and Harry was looking down. There was no need to say that he was so uncomfortable. 

 

Liam then let go and rubbed his face “I am okay... I will be okay”

 

Louis nodded “yes, you will be okay”

 

Liam nodded, then he looked at harry “ you should go. You have a hard day tomorrow”

 

Harry looked at Liam “ I really want to stay, but I can’t you know”

 

Liam nodded “ I know.. I do. Now go”

Harry nodded and he stood up, he looked at Liam “ I will try to come later”

Liam nodded 

Harry avoided looking at Louis completely then he said “ okay, please have some sleep “ and he almost ran outside the house. 

Louis was looking at harry when Liam said “  
You should go too”

 

Louis looked again at Liam “ no, no I can stay “

Liam shook his head and stood up “ no, go home. You are exhausted, I am exhausted I will sleep right away”

 

Louis “ are you sure?”.

Liam nodded, Louis gave Liam the last hug and then he wished him a goodnight as if it was going to be a good night, he knew it would be a hard night. 

 

He left the house and to his surprise Harry was still there standing outside the house. Alone. 

 

Louis walked closer and he was wondering what was he doing there alone, then he heard sniffles 

 

“ are you okay? “

He saw Harry tensed again and it hurt, then he saw him wiping his tears away, and he turned to face Louis 

“yeah”

 

Louis walked closer to have a better look “ sure? “

 

Harry nodded and he looked down 

 

Louis “ what are you doing here, where is your car? “

 

Harry took a deep shaking breath and then he looked at him “ I don’t drive anymore. Since the accident “

 

Louis nodded then “ so, what are you doing here alone? Do you need a ride? “

 

Harry shook his head “ no, no.. I am waiting for my... Someone is coming to pick me up”

 

“ your boyfriend? “ Louis asked 

 

Harry snapped his head up but he didn’t talk 

 

Louis “ is he coming soon? Or you are going to wait at this awful weather... You can wait in my car you know”

 

Harry “ no, I.. “

 

“come on Harry I am not gonna bite, it’s freezing here and I don’t want you to upset your asthma"

Harry sighed and followed Louis 

Once there were inside Harry was playing with his hands looking at them and not talking 

Louis couldn’t stop his curiosity “ so, who is he. I believe I have seen him before”

 

Harry “ he works with me”

 

Louis looked at him confused “ you work now? “

 

Harry nodded “ I am back again”

 

“what?! In the fire department? “

Harry nodded still avoiding looking at his eyes “ yeah, only on the paper work but I am getting better... “

 

Louis sighed “ I can’t believe you are thinking to get back again.. You almost died”

 

“It’s the only thing I am good at"

 

Louis frowned but he didn’t talk at the start then “  
So he is a Co worker? “

Harry nodded, Louis chuckled “I knew it, I know I have seen him before. He was visiting you at the hospital. What’s his name? “

 

Harry finally looked at Louis “ Louis, what are you doing? “

 

Louis tried to suppress his anger “ what! Can’t I ask about your new relationship? “

“no”

“no? “

Harry then shook his head in disbelief and looked at the window “ I don’t want to talk about it with you”

 

Louis knew that Harry could read him, he always did. No matter how much he tried to hide, no matter how much he believed he had changed. Harry always knew how to read him. And right now Harry knew Louis was jealous. Louis had no right to be. 

“ you don’t look happy though” Louis said 

 

Harry finally huffed and opened the door and left the car. Louis didn’t call him back and harry didn’t look back too. 

 

Louis wanted to scream all the anger in his chest, but instead he started the car and he drove as fast as he could leaving harry to the cold alone. Waiting for his claimed boyfriend. The boyfriend that Louis knew he hated.


	17. Chapter 17

For the next two days Lottie was trying to convince Louis to out with her for a dinner or late breakfast, and for two days Louis refused. But she didn’t take no as n answer and he found her at the middle of his flat pushing him out of his couch and pushing him to dress whatever he wanted and she dragged him out of his place for late breakfast.

 

Louis was trying to look annoyed but deeply he was happy, he liked this feeling that his sisters still care about him. Still want to share him their lives.  
Once they settled and Lottie asked for their orders, she sat beside him and she kept silent.

 

He looked at her and frowned “ are you going silent now? “

 

She looked at him and smiled “ I just missed to be with you..”

 

Louis nodded “ so you are not going to ask me anything? “

 

Lottie took a deep breath “ I want to ask you every kind of questions but I don’t want to upset you”

He nodded and took one French fries from the plate the waiter just put in front of them

 

“ I never get upset from you Lottie”

 

She nodded and smiled “ okay, so what is going on with you? “

 

He looked at her drinking a gulp of his juice “ what is wrong with me? I am fine”

 

Lottie sighed shaking her head “ you are not fine Louis. Look at you”

 

He frowned “you don’t like the beard”

 

“it’s not about the beard Louis..” then he put her hand on his that was sitting on the table “ are you depressed? “

 

He chuckled sarcastically “ do you believe the press now? “

 

She shook her head “no, I remember the talk we had about not believing the press. But look at you, you are avoiding everyone, you are running from everything even your career that you always love. You stopped talking to your friends you stopped seeing anyone. You are not answering our calls. And you met Harry and didn’t say a word”

 

Louis huffed and pulled his hand away “ so it’s about Harry”

 

She frowned “ what? No, it’s about you. I am worried about you Louis”

 

He shook his head annoyed “ you don’t have to worry about me”

 

She was looking at him and now tears were threatening to fall “ but I am, we all. Louis I know about what happened.. I know about the suicide”

 

He looked at her eyes wide, she continued nodding “  
And I was so fucking scared. I wanted to get to you and stay looking after you.. “

 

“ I don’t need that.. “

 

She ignored him and now the tears were on her cheek “ I wanted to stay by your side and give you any kind of help you wanted but I couldn’t leave the girls I couldn’t even tell them.. I was dying from fears Louis and you kept pushing everyone away.. I mean you are my elder brother, the one who always took care of all of us.. Let us help you. Let us stay with you, Louis please I want you happy”

Louis closed his eyes at the last word and he chuckled again but looked down at his thighs, he knew his tears were also on his cheeks and again, he felt her hand on his “ I know you are sad”

 

He shook his head

 

She squeezed lightly “ stop hiding, and stop running”

 

He looked at her “ what do you want Lottie”

 

She said again “ I want you to be happy”

 

He shook his head again “ I don’t.. I don’t know how to be happy”

 

She looked at him for a long moment then she sighed “ what exactly do you want to do Louis in your life? “

 

He shrugged, she sighed “ people love you Louis why can’t you love yourself? “

 

He looked at her and he didn’t know how to answer that, love himself? After all he did? He hated himself, no he loathed himself for what he did. He is a coward and he knew it, and there is no way to change it.

She then said “ you have to stop blaming yourself”

 

He looked at her, she shrugged “ he is okay now, alive and safe and okay”

 

“ yeah I know, he is living happily with his new boyfriend isn’t he? “

 

She shrugged “ he seems happy”

He wanted to laugh at this, but he just looked away  
“ what happened? Last time you met? “

 

He looked back at her “nothing important “.

 

“ I think it was. He wasn’t okay for few days after, you weren’t answer your phone so it must be something “  
He shook his head,

 

She nodded “ okay, why are you angry? “

 

“ I am not” he said faster than he should, and again he looked away and he froze

 

“ what the hell? “ he whispered

 

Lottie looked at what he was looking at “what?! “

 

“ it’s him.. It’s Harry’s boyfriend, and who the hell is she? “

 

Harry’s new boyfriend was getting inside with a girl and they stood at the cashier, they were smiling and they were awfully close. Louis couldn’t put his eyes away from them. Then the man kissed the girl and Louis felt his blood boils.

 

“ what the... “ he was going to stand and to rush to them, but his sister grasped his wrist “ what are you doing? “

 

He looked at her furiously “ are you blind? “

 

She said “ and what are you planning to do? Are you going to hit the man”

 

He nodded looking again at him “ yes and kill him if I can.. “

 

“ why? “

 

Again he looked at her “ do you know who is this man? This is Harry’s boyfriend. He is fucking cheating on him”

 

Then he looked at them again and the man was taking his orders, that fast

 

“ we don’t know that”

 

He said louder “ he is with a girl fucking kissing her in the public, what do you call this, let me go.. They are leaving”

 

“ so let them”

 

He looked at her shocked, she said louder too “ let them go, this is not how we fix this”

 

Louis yanked his hand strongly and he was moving, Lottie “ Louis, please. You will make it worse, he is finally okay”

 

Louis froze and then looked at her “ he is cheating on him”

 

“ I saw that” 

 

“ and you want me to let it happen? “

 

“no, but you can’t just go and fight with him either.. Would you please sit down and calm a little”

 

Louis looked at the man who was now out of the shop and then he huffed and sat in front of Louis again heart beating fast and hyperventilating. 

 

“ what do you want me to do then? “

 

She was still watching him “ we need to be sure first”

 

“God Lots” he said huffing resting his head on his wrests 

 

“ I don’t want things to get bad again with you”

“ and how exactly it is not going to be bad, he is fucking cheating”

 

Lottie sighed “ Louis, you don’t know how harry was recently “

 

He didn’t answer, then she said “ he was at the hospital “

 

Again the heart accelerated “ why? “

 

She shrugged “ I don’t know, they didn’t tell me. I mean when I know I tried to see him at the hospital but Gemma didn’t let me”

 

“ Gemma.. “

 

“she is still mad. I kind of understand her you know, he is her only brother and she is trying to protect him”

 

“protect? “ then chuckled 

 

Lottie shook her head looking away, she knew he never liked Gemma and he will never understand how to try to protect your sibling from being hurt. 

 

“ anyway, when he was out, we were blessed that he was okay, I don’t want you to be a part of this, maybe he really like the man, you don’t want to break his heart again“ then she closed her eyes realizing the mistake she just did

 

Louis shook his head ignoring “ like him? No he doesn’t like him.. I mean how fast could he like him”

Lottie frowning “ what do you mean? “

 

Louis was angry “ I mean I know he doesn’t, he can’t when he told me three months ago to stay, when he told he still loves me. So no he doesn’t”

 

Louis was shocked “ he told you he still loves you? “

 

Louis looked down “ he did”

 

“ and you left? “

 

Louis shrugged “ I didn’t know what yo do, it is not easy”

 

“ you hurt him again Lou. Fuck. You really don’t love him anymore. They were right, you keep hurting him. Every time you meet you hurt him”

 

Louis finally understood, he sighed “ you think I was behind him getting in the hospital”

 

She didn’t answer, she just looked down. 

 

He nodded “ you are right, I should stay away from him, but he needs to know. I can tell anyone. Zayn? “

 

“ yeah, maybe”

 

Louis decided to end this topic, he will think of a good idea but he won’t let harry being deceived. 

 

***** 

 

Louis said goodbye to his sister and he went home, but on his way back he saw Gemma. She was in her car and she was crying, and to his surprise she was parking in front of his building. 

 

Louis parked his car, concerns fill him, and then he walked to Gemma’s car and he knocked on the closed window. 

 

She looked at him surprised at first then she opened the window 

 

“ where the hell have you been, I was waiting for you”

 

Louis frowned confusingly “ ah... Why? “

 

She took a deep breath and she wiped her tears, scared that he would ask. He would never ask. 

 

“ I need to talk”

 

Louis nodded “ okay.. Would you like to come up? “

 

She didn’t answer, she started yo close the car window and removing the key from contact and then she left the car. 

 

She looked at Louis and he walked inside the building. 

***** 

At his flat, he offered her a hot tea and she was waiting for b in front of the large glass window. 

 

He came back and gave her her tea and waited for her to talk. 

 

She took a sip and didn’t remove her eyes from the window “ I like your place”

He nodded “ thanks”

 

She sighed “ when did you sell the house? “ she looked at him “ the one you bought with Harry”

 

Louis looked down “ I don’t remember “

 

He remembers, of course he does. That night he knocked himself down with alcohol and he wanted to die. It was six months after the accident, and it was right after he believed Harry will never come back again and selling the house was a way to prove it to himself 

 

Gemma nodded and looked around her “ it lacks something though”

 

He looked at her didn’t know what she meant  
She sighed “ it lacks Harry “

 

Louis was surprised, he knew Gemma was crazy but what the hell was she trying to say 

 

“ are you here to hurt him again? “

 

Louis looked at her frowning, she continued “ cause if you are... I swear to God Louis.. I can’t.. I just can’t see him suffering because of you”

 

Louis was again getting angry she can’t say that. Did she forget herself, did she forget how much pain did she caused her brother 

 

“ because of me? Why, what did I do now? “

 

“ you always do things Louis, even when you don’t know.. You always makes him.. Fuck he has done alot of you”

 

Louis yelled “ I know what he did.. Okay I fucking know. But that was in the past. It is over now”

 

She yelled back “ he doesn’t want to believe that”

 

“ well he is in a relationship so how do you expect me to believe that”

 

She frowned “ what? “

 

Louis huffed in frustration “ I know. I have seen him with this guy at the funeral and he looked okay. So stop blaming me. Stop”

 

She looked down and then nodded “ okay, so since you know he is happily not single anymore. Can you please leave him alone”

 

Louis “ he is cheating on him”

 

“oh God “ Gemma yelled 

 

“ I saw him this morning, he was with another lady kissing and flirting.. “

 

She was leaving “ please, stop”

 

He stopped her “ I swear to god, I have seen him, you can ask Lottie she was with me”

 

“no” and she was leaving again 

 

Louis yelled “ what is wrong with you? Can’t you care about him for once”

 

She froze and looked at him “ what did you just say? “

 

He huffed “ I know you hate him, I know you hate his gayness and whatever, but this is serious. You say you are scared of he getting hurt again and I am here telling you that his partner is cheating on him, I have seen him with my god damn eyes”

 

She looked down trying to calm down “ I have never hated my brother”

Louis rolled his eyes “ oh, please “

 

“ he is my only brother, he is all I have”

 

Louis chuckled “ Gemma, who are you kidding? I was there sweatheart, I had seen what you did to him. The struggle you put him through because he was gay”

 

She snapped “ not because of that, it was because of you”

 

Louis didn’t talk 

 

“i’ve never hated my brother, I hated you. I still do to be honest. I mean what do you expect me to do when I see my brother leaving us all behind because of you.. You were using him testing his confidence time after time. You kept cheating on him Louis and he always forgave you because you always came up with a stupid excuse. You pushed him to the press who made him almost lose himself. They portrayed him as a manwhore for God sake. He took bullet after bullet for you while you kept pushing him to lose himself. You were bad.. You were very bad for him and that was driving me crazy. I begged him to leave you, every time you cheat on him I always begged him but he always said he was in love with you. And I knew you will keep hurting him. I always knew you don’t deserve him. And you know what I was right. You almost killed him and the you left him alone struggling yo come back. To come back to you while you were happily engaged”  
She stopped talking looking at Louis, he was crying now. 

 

She took deep breath “ I care, I always care Louis because he is all i have. And that year.. GOD that year was killing me. Everyday I wake up praying that he will wake up but it never happen. I stayed Louis. I stayed and I’ve never lost hope. I was there but you weren’t. You didn’t see his face when he wake up confused that you weren’t there. You didn’t see his face when he knew you left him midway. You didn’t see his face when he knew you stopped visiting. You didn’t see his face when he knew...” she closed her eyes “ when he saw your photos with Selene celebrating your engagement. I heard him begging God to take his life away. I herd him crying for days Louis.. Days”

 

Then she wiped her tears and looked at him “ so, no.. I will never let you hurt him again. And no I will never see my little brother getting hurt again”

 

She walked closer to the door “ stay away from his life Louis, like you did before it was easy, wasn’t it? “

 

Then she left slamming the door behind her.  
Easy? 

 

It was never easy, Louis stayed frozen for God knows how long. He was crying and he hated himself more.  
He wanted harry even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter next


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter guys, thanks for sticking and read. Thanks for your always support
> 
> I know I kind of lost the story at the middle but I hope you still like it
> 
> All the love❤️  
> And I love you all

Harry and Zayn were having their breakfast at the coffe shop beside the fire department 

 

“congratulations Harry” Zayn said drinking his hot drink watching Harry 

 

Harry smiled proudly “ thanks Zayn, you helped”

 

Zayn nodded “ I did” then he put the cup down “ I always support you Harry, you know that but.. Do you think it’s a good idea? “

 

Harry was expecting this, he nodded understanding “ it’s the only thing I am good at”

 

“ you hadn’t tried anything else”

 

Harry shrugged “ it’s what I wanted since I was 10. I love this job”

 

Zayn sighed knowing there was nothing to convince him “ you will get us worried though”

 

Harry smiled and looked at him “ I know. And no matter what I tell or the doctors tell you you will always worried. But it’s okay I understand and appreciate the concerns”

 

Zayn didn’t talk although Harry could hear him, Harry took a deep breath “ I know what happened to me was much, you were there you saw it all. You never left and I know there was moment where you lost your hope. I know I wasn’t struggling alone.. “

 

“Harry.. “

 

“let me finish please. We never had this conversation and there are some words must be said”

 

Zayn didn’t talk and Harry could already saw the tears forming in Zayn’s eyes 

 

“ I can’t thank you enough for staying with me Zayn..,   
Zayn turned his face away and let the tears fall slowly   
“ you are more like a brother for me. I can’t thank you enough for everything you did to. But believe me I am okay now, I can work again and you can stop worrying. We need to focus there”

 

Zayn looked at him and then looked down “ boss will separate us”

 

Harry nodded 

 

Zayn looked again at him confused “ you knew? “

 

Harry shrugged “ I asked him to” Zayn was going to talk but Harry continued “ you will always worry and you will lose your concentration for a second and then a disaster could happen and I won’t... I can’t let anything happen to you. You are all I have”

 

Zayn closed his eyes “ you shouldn’t.. Harry fuck..”

 

Harry smiled “ it’s temporarily, till I prove myself back there”

 

Zayn looked down and took another deep breath   
When he looked again at Harry he saw him lost in his coffee cup 

 

“ why are you sad then? “ Zayn asked 

 

Harry looked at him “ I am not sad”

 

Zayn raised his brow, Harry gave up “ I don’t know”

 

“ is it Louis? “

 

Harry looked down 

 

Zayn nodded his head “ it’s him. What did he do? “

 

Harry shook his head “ he did nothing. It just.. “ he chuckled “ I expected him to do something “

 

“Harry.. “ Zayn said softly 

 

“I know.. I know. You are right, Gemma is right. I keep waiting for the wrong things”

 

Zayn was watching his best friend “ do you still love him? “

 

Harry didn’t respond at first, he wasn’t calculating his answer, he knew the answer “I don’t think I do now”

 

Zayn frowned “ are you sure? “

 

Harry nodded thinking “ yeah. And you know what? I don’t feel guilty about it. I believe he stopped loving me long time ago”

 

Zayn didn’t talk, Harry sighed “ at the start, I thought he was scared.. That’s why he left because he was scared and confused. But he knew I am back. He knew I was still waiting. I told him I was still in love with him”

 

Zayn frowned deeper, Harry shrugged “but he still left. So no. He doesn’t love me anymore. I don’t blame him though”

 

“ what?”

 

Harry looked at Zayn “ I was like dead Zayn. He needed me but I wasn’t there”

 

“ what are you talking about? There was nothing harry nothing that made him leave you there. I needed you and I stayed. Stop looking like this at youtself”

 

Harry took a deep breath “ he thinks I wanted to kill myslef”

 

And Zayn froze, Harry sighed “ three months ago. When he was here.. He gave me my old phone I don’t know where he found it”

 

Zayn closed his eyes, he knew where, he gave it to him  
“ there was a video someone sent me, it shows him cheating on me. He came to know if i wanted to end my life after”

 

Zayn was bitting his lower lip, Harry shook his head and closed his eyes “ you knew”

 

Zayn “ I saw the video first” Harry was confused, “ I took the phone to give it back to Louis from you locker. And me niece was there and she opened it.. So I saw it”

Harry nodded and looked away deep thinking   
“ so, did you? “

 

Harry looked at him “ when he asked me, I had no idea about what was that. I couldn’t remember anything. But after that little pieces started to form in my mind. Memories”

 

“ you remembered? “ he almost gasped 

 

Harry nodded “ now I do remember everything. I remember seeing it, I remember crying on it, I remember feeling angry and upset.. But I didn’t do it. I didn’t try to end my life”

 

Zayn kind of breathed a breath he held for long time, although it didn’t matter now but at least he knew his friend of in the right place. 

 

“ he thinks you are with Clark” Zayn said 

 

Harry chuckled and nodded “ I know. He thought he is my boyfriend”

 

Zayn smiled “ I let him believe it”

 

“me too”

 

Then Zayn laughed “ you and Clark.. Do you believe it? “

 

Harry laughed too “ yeah, I want to see his face when he hears about it”

 

“I want to see his bride face”

 

Then they laughed and then took a moment of silence   
“ is he still here? “

 

Zayn nodded “ I guess. I haven’t seen him but Gigi saw him few days ago with Lottie”

 

Harry nodded and looked down “ we could be a good family.. I was ready to move to L.A with him”

 

Zayn nodded “ I know. You will find someone Harry. Someone who truly deserves you”

 

Harry nodded “ I forgive him”

 

Zayn smiled “ you have a hood heart harry unlike him. He keeps bringing our fight every time we meet”

 

“ he doesn’t hate you. He just feels always insecure when you are around”

 

“how? “

 

“he knows how I always trust you. So when you told me that night about what you saw. He knew I believed you and he felt he was losing the battle already”

 

Zayn looked down, Harry smiled “ it was a hard fight. Awful days”

 

“ but he was right. I should have told him first. Heard him at least”

 

Harry shook his head “ no, that would be awful. He would try to seperate us and things would be awkward I would lose my mind. Telling me was the best. And you were right though. He was with some one. He was cheating like always. Fuck he always did this to me” 

Zayn nodded, Harry sighed “ and I always forgave him. What is wrong with me”

 

Zayn only smiled “ nothing is wrong with you”

 

***** 

Harry parked his car after buying the groceries he needed. He got out of the car and carried the bags and by his leg he closed the door. And he walked towards the front stairs and he froze. On the floor was Louis.   
He was sleeping on the stairs resting his back on the railing and he was cold harry could tell since Louis was shaking. Harry wasn’t sure if Louis was conscious or not, the weather was freezing and he knew how sensitive to cold Louis was.

 

Harry put his bags down and ran to Louis. He shook him softly first and called his name “ Louis? “

 

Louis didn’t move. Harry hastily checked his pulse and it was there, but he was so so cold. 

 

Harry again shook him “ Louis. Please wake up? “

 

He started to rub his chest to give him some warm. He called his name again “ Louis? Lou.. “

 

Louis slowly opened his eyes, he was lost for a second from the look in his eyes 

 

“ thanks God.. Are you okay? What are you doing here? “

 

Louis looked at Harry’s eyes and he whispered “Hazza? “

 

Harry shook his head “ come on, let’s move inside. Can you walk? “

 

Louis was still looking at his eyes, Harry helped him to stand. And he slowly wrapped his hand around his waist and they walked to the door. Harry opened the door and he helped Louis to sit on the couch. 

 

He then rushed to his room and brought the blanket and returned to Louis who was still shivering and he wrapped it around him. He sat beside him and he embraced him so he could give him some warm. 

 

“ what are you doing here? “ Harry asked again

 

Louis’s teeth were chattering “ I wanted to see you, I knocked the door but Gemma didn’t open. She didn’t want to see me. She hates me”

 

Harry sighed still rubbing his hand “ she doesn’t hate you, she isn’t home. She having some days off with her friends”

 

Louis didn’t listen “ then I waited at the stairs, I needed to talk to you so badly”

 

Harry “you could have come tomorrow Lou, it’s freezing outside you could have died”

 

Louis shook his head “ I need to talk to you” he groaned. 

 

“ okay, okay let me make you some tea and we can sit and talk”

 

Louis didn’t answer so Harry left him and walked to the kitchen. 

 

He was talking to Liam on the phone while making the tea, he looked through the door and Louis was still there, looking on front, eyes lost 

 

“ I don’t know for how long Liam, but he obviously not okay”

 

Then he walked to pour the hot water nodding “ okay, okay... I can do that. OK bye”

 

He then held the two cups and was on his way outside when he saw Louis standing at the kitchen door.   
Harry startled but he gathered himself quickly 

 

“I was coming back” Harry said 

 

Louis watching Harry not speaking 

“ would you like to sit here or at the living? “

 

Nothing, still watching 

“ I guess here is much warmer.. Don’t you think? “ Harry asked but Louis didn’t respond

 

Finally harry sighed and put the cups on the table and he offered Louis a chair. Louis walked and sat silently. Harry sat beside him, he gave him his tea and Louis with shaky hand took it. 

 

Harry noticed he was still shaking and he hated what he saw 

 

“ are you okay? “ Harry asked

 

And finally Louis said “ I am fine”

 

Harry nodded “ drink some tea, it will make you better”

 

Louis nodded and took a sip and then he put the cup down again and looked at Harry “ I heard you got your job back? “

 

Harry nodded, Louis “ you will get back to the field? “

 

Harry sighed, so this what he wanted to talk about? He wanted to forbid harry from going back 

 

“ my doctors say I am fine. The physical fitness says I am fine. So... Yeah I am back”

 

Louis nodded he looked away again “ aren’t you scared? “

 

Harry frowned, Louis was seriously not okay “ I don’t know. I have to see my self. I don’t want my fears control me”

 

Louis nodded and looked at his lap, Harry could see tears running down, he winced and he put his hand on Louis’s hand “ lou. What’s wrong? Why are you like that”

 

Louis whispered “ have I lost you forever? “

 

Harry pulled his hand back immediately, because no, he wasn’t going to talk about it again 

 

Louis looked at him “ I have, haven’t I? “

 

Harry slowly nodded “ we are history now”

 

Louis closed his eyes “ my fault”

 

Harry sighed “ it doesn’t matter now Louis. I think we both moved on”

 

Louis was watching Harry again, that was scaring Harry a little bit. 

 

“ I wish I could turn back the time” Louis whispered 

 

He wiped his tears “ I rather be anywhere but here. Talking to you for the last time”

 

Harry swallowed “ why is it the last time? “

 

Louis shrugged “ I will go. I will go away and I will never come back to hurt you”

 

Harry didn’t know what to say 

 

“ I never loved Selena, I mean.. I thought I did, but it wasn’t true love. She was just... There. She was by my side and I was struggling Harry. I was fucking scared. I could not live normally, I was in a bad place and I guess I needed someone.. Anyone. And she was there” 

 

Harry was watching Louis 

 

Louis took a deep breath “ I don’t think it matters now right? “

 

Harry finally sighed “ it doesn’t”

 

Louis nodded but his chin quivered “ I don’t know when I lost hope. It just happen you know. Seeing you at this place not responding to anything was killing me. Leaving you to work or I would lose everything was killing me. Everything was wrong.. “ then he looked at Harry’s eyes “ I was weak. I let everything win. I let myself lose you”

 

Harry nodded “ you were weak. I try lied to understand your feelings Louis. I really tried. But.. How could you do this to me? “

Louis closed his eyes and again tears run feeling “ I don’t know Harry” he said sincerely 

 

He then huffed and wiped his tears again “ it’s like it wasn’t me who was thinking, or taking decisions. It felt like I was possessed. Someone else hunted me and took every possible awful decision in my life”

 

Harry didn’t talk 

 

Louis rubbed his face with his hand “ this guy Tom, do you love him? “

 

Harry smiled “ Tom is married Lou. Newly happily married. And he is not even gay”

 

Louis opened his mouth in a shock, then he chuckled and looked down again “ everyone said you were in a relation with him”

 

Harry smiled “ sorry to mislead you”

 

Louis shook his head “ no, no... Everyone was trying to protect you from me. They all knew I am a bad news for you”

 

Harry held Louis’s hand again “ everyone has his own mistakes. Don’t be so hard on yourself”

 

“ you were in the hospital after last time we met”

 

Harry shrugged “ I caused myself a panic attack”

 

Louis looked at harry “ I would replace the world for you Harry”

 

Harry smiled “ I always loved you Louis”

 

Loved, Harry said it directly. He knew he stopped loving him. 

 

The word must hurt Louis cause he winced and then he looked down again “ no other chances I believe? “

 

Harry smiled softly “ I don’t think it will work ”

 

Louis nodded “ can I ask you something? “

 

Harry nodded 

 

“ can I have the last kiss? “

 

Harry frowned, Louis looked at him and Harry was in tears too, he slowly nodded and Louis pressed his lips on his softly and he kissed him slowly. 

 

When he pulled away he looked at harry in the eyes   
“ always taste good harry”

 

Harry smiled 

 

Louis took a deep breath “ one more thing”

 

Harry waited, “ I need you to forgive me”

 

“ I forgave you long time ago”

 

“ for everything? “ 

 

Harry assured “ for everything”

 

Louis smiled, it was the first time since they met “ good, you are so good Harry”

 

Then he stood up, but Harry grasped his wrist “where are you going? “

 

Louis “ there is no need for me to stay Harry... I have to go”

 

Harry frowned “ stay, please “ 

 

“ not a good idea. It will make me change my mind”

 

Then he walked to the door, he stopped and looked at harry “ tell Gemma and Zayn that I am sorry”

 

Harry nodded, 

 

I STILL LOVE YOU HARRY 

 

He wanted to say but he knew it would be unfair 

 

“ stay safe, please “ Louis said before turning back 

Harry gasped “ don’t go.. Louis don’t leave”

Louis didn’t listen he just walked out the house, tears all over his face. And he knew Harry was no different. 

 

**** 

Harry couldn’t sleep, he was restless and his mind was stuck with Louis, how hurt and weak he looked. How lost. 

Then he got suddenly scared and he needed to see if Louis was okay. 

 

It was 3 in the morning but he needed to know.   
He grabbed his phone and he took his keys and wallet and he rushed outside his house. 

 

At the car he tried to call him but he didn’t answer and that was the start to panic 

 

He called Liam 

 

“Harry it’s three am”Liam’s sleepy voice said 

 

“ yes Liam, I am sorry.. But Louis, he is not picking up and I don’t know. I have a bad feeling”

 

Liam became alert now “ what do you mean? “

 

“I don’t know. I am on my way.. Can you check on him”

 

Liam “ Yeah, yeah.. I am going “

 

“good, I will be there in ten”

 

And he ended the call. 

 

**** 

Harry stopped his car didn’t care where he parked it, right now he was sure something bad was happening, Liam didn’t call him or answer his calls. And Liam was Louis’s neighbour so he must be with him now. 

 

Harry claimed the stairs and didn’t want for the lift. And in front of Louis’s flat the door was opened and he heard Liam’s panicking voice to 

 

He was giving the address to someone, was he on the phone? What was going on?

 

Harry moved inside and he froze, Louis was on the floor, eyes closed and he was motionless 

 

Liam noticed Harry and he said crying “ the fucker did it again..”

 

Then Harry gasped, he sat beside Louis and he shook him calling his name frantically, he tried and tried and then he hugged him really tight whispering 

 

“ not like this, not like this”

 

The medics came and took Louis slack body from Harry’s lap, they tried CPR, they electroshocked him but there was no response. 

 

They took him to the hospital harry was with them in the ambulance and he didn’t leave his side. 

 

*******

 

Harry was in the car and Zayn was driving, they were both silent till Zayn parked the car 

 

Zayn sighed “ have you called the girls? “

 

Harry nodded “ they didn’t want it. Think they blames me though”

 

“ it was not your fault”

 

“it kind of was”

 

Zayn huffed “ he was mentally ill, he wasn’t okay”

 

“because of me, because of what happened to me”

 

“was not your fault “

 

Harry took a deep breath “ I don’t blame myself Zayn. But I am still part of it. Louis’s life became to much for him after my accidents. He lost himself because of what happened to me”

 

Zayn didn’t talk but he was still looking at his friend   
“ it doesn’t matter now. I just hope he is happy where he is”

 

Zayn nodded “ what did she tell you? Selena when she gave you this? “

 

Harry shrugged “ just how he always loved me”

 

Zayn nodded, then Harry opened the car door   
“ do you need me? “

 

Harry shook his head “ I will be fine”

 

Then he went outside the car, walking with an award in his hand. He was walking among the graves and then he stopped in front of one of them 

 

He put the award on the ground in front of the stone   
“Louis Tomlinson 

Brother, son”

 

Harry said “ you won again, they say it was an amazing effort you did”

 

Then he smiled “ I know you did well.. You always did”

 

Then he wiped his tear “ I miss you.. And I hope you know that I love you too”

 

Then he took a deep breath “ till we meet Lou. Love you”


End file.
